


the good life.

by angeldustt



Category: ELRIS (Band), EXO (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band), 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: 1970 AU ummm yes??, EXO's Kokobop era, F/F, F/M, Joy is 100 percent MOMMY don’t fight me on this, Other, Red Velvet's Red Flavor era, a few warnings, i wont delete it this time i promise, im not good with descriptions or summaries sorry!, lesbians we ride at dawn, please read note!, stream ultraviolence by lana del rey xoxo, yes im too lazy to fix grammatical errors oop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2020-01-05 23:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18376067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angeldustt/pseuds/angeldustt
Summary: an artist moves to a new town on the west coast & coincidentally finds her muse.





	1. ꒰ note ꒱

ᝰ _[kiss the good life, goodbye.](https://youtu.be/iSkuIUlcG2I) _ ﹆

trigger warning  
‧ age-gaps (!)  
‧ mention/drug use  
‧ some profanity

 

updates?  
‧ weekly  
͎  _maybe_

╰► note:

if u don’t feel comfortable  
reading any of said topics  
pls leave cos theres going  
to be lot of it in this ff *ૢ

 

© twenty-nineteen  
﹫angeldustt _____

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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀


	2. ✧ prologue ; only friend

**June 22, 1973. **

  **Friday.**

 

**[3rd]**

Down the old block across the street where the gold medallion trees aligned the sidewalk was a rather aged house that stood out in particular. The house originally was a boring beige color, now painted over with cerulean. It was noticeable if you paid close enough attention to it. The white porch had just enough flower pots to make it seem like a welcoming house, with a welcoming family. The iron gate rusted from use over the years. Just right next to the house was an empty one, now off for sale. A venerable woman who went by the name Carmen had lived there for 3 years before dying a few months ago from an fatal car crash. The home currently looked pristine despite that, & the girls outside the baby blue house couldn’t help but imagine who would live there now.

17 year old Cerise stared off into the next house as she hula-hooped in the front yard. It was sultry all month but she didn’t mind being in the sun that afternoon. The sizzling droplets formed on her sun-kissed skin from all the movements yet she continued, humming to the song being played over the portable radio. The girl’s best friend was over, sitting on the steps beside the radio where there was just enough shade for her.

“Aren’t you tired?” Hyeseong finally said to Cerise, sipping her Coca-Cola. She secretly rolled her eyes as she saw Cerise shake her hips with a smile. 

“Never!” Cerise replied, throwing her hands up in the air. Ignoring the feeling that was beginning to creep onto her, she continued paying no heed. She felt the fiery wind up against her yellow dress all the while her auburn tendrils danced in the wind. Yes, there was limited space, yet she made the yard her playground. Something most teenagers rarely did in this weather. Hyeseong continued to watch her silently, fanning her face with a piece of paper; every minute or so she’d end up wiping the sweat off herself with a sigh. Then a thought occurred to her. She cleared her dry throat to speak up. “Hey, what do you say we go get ice cream Cerise?”

“Hm....I guess.” Cerise answered over the music, “Although the reason why you really want to go is for something else, right?” Catching a glance at her friend, she hid her frown as she hula-hooped, knowing the answer from Hyeseong’s silence.

The owner of the ice cream parlor on main street has a thing with Hyeseong, giving the girl her usual fix of coke. It started out in small amounts, then increased the more they spent together. And she was now getting addicted to it. Cerise noticed it at first by the way Hyeseong began to act; from the unusual cheery-ness to the frightening bursts of anger in any given moment. But Cerise felt trapped — her best friend has hidden this from her for a while.

“...Put the radio back in my room. I’ll wait here.”

Hyeseong obeyed quickly & turned off the radio in the middle of a Shangri-Las song. She dusted her mini skirt before hurrying over the steps & into the home.

Cerise hummed to herself once again, staring off into the sky. The sound of dead silence accompanied her voice, along with faraway sounds of distant music & dogs barking. The pink hula-hoop fell to the ground when she stopped swaying, turning around to face the street. The sound of a truck was nearing, becoming louder. The truck pulled up right beside the home which was already bought. The hazel eyes of Cerise’s scanned the place — assuming the new neighbor had arrived. And she was right.

It took a few moments, but she managed to get a first glimpse of the neighbor. To Cerise’s surprise it wasn’t a creepy old man, but instead a young woman. What caught the girl interestingly was her hair; it was an eye-catching, unforgettable red & shaped like ocean waves. Her dress was a bright scarlet with little black ribbons on each shoulder. Cerise’s eyes went upwards, following the figure of this woman as she opened the gate to her new home. On her cherry lips hung a lit cigar & she met eyes with Cerise for a moment, startling her heart. She turned away almost immediately from embarrassment, bending down to pick up the fallen hoop. After a moment she stole another glance, curious at what the mysterious lady held in her right hand. What it seemed to be was a book, looking heavily torn at the seams from use. And following behind her were men carrying boxes & that’s when Cerise decided she’d snoop around, later.

Hearing the door creak open, she looked up to find Hyeseong with a grin on her lips, skipping down the stairs. Her eyes turned over to the house & mentioned if the newcomer was already here. “Is it a guy?” She asked with hope.

“No, _thankfully_.” Cerise rolled her eyes, pulling Hyeseong’s arm signaling to leave. In response she groaned sadly, faking a weep. Cerise ignored her once again with a heaving a sigh.

The two got onto their bikes & raced to the parlor seeing who would win this time. Switching between the middle of streets, sidewalks & intersecting each other, the two laughed hearing cars beep at them. They did not dare take their eyes off the road though. With a little motivation, Cerise pushed onto the pedal despite her hair hitting her face every few seconds, covering her view.

Abruptly taking the risk, she crossed in front of Hyeseong to earn a shout from the girl. “Cerise! Isn’t that cheating!!”

“Nope!” Cerise yelled happily nearing the parlor. And she had won by chance, setting her bicycle to the side. She proudly crossed her arms in front of Hyeseong, who pouted in return.

“Next time I’ll definitely win. You just happen to win by luck.”

“ _Sure_.” Cerise emphasized, heading towards the door catching her breath slightly. The two closed their eyes & took into their skin the cold air.

“Air conditioning _heaven_.” Hyeseong mumbled. The two stayed there for a few, before opening their eyes again. “I’ll be back Cerise. Don’t leave without me!”

Cerise stood quietly in place, almost completely ignoring Hyesong’s last remark. Over the counter the owner, Chanyeol stopped what he was doing after seeing Hyeseong. His eyes lit up, calling another one of his employees to take his place hurriedly. An inconsistent tension settled in the air amidst all the music & mumbles. And it seemed like only Cerise was aware of it, making her stomach turn.

The girl watched her best friend head to the back door with the man, biting her lower lip. It had been awhile, a thought that sat in the back of her mind resurfaced; _should I say something? Is it really my place....?_

She turned away, hearing the back door shut. Instead she decided to try & take her mind off it, even if it’s just for a while. Heading over to find a seat, she noticed the place almost full. Just as she searched timidly to find a familiar face, the gripping tinge in her heart relaxed. She reached the end of the front counter, taking a quick seat on the spinning stool.

Cerise squirmed in her place, trying to make the person beside her take notice of her presence. “If only someone would talk to me. If only!” The man was too busy sipping on his melted sundae with a palm on his cheek, hunched. His eyes lazily fought to stay open silently.

“What would you like, miss?” An employee over the red counter asked Cerise.

“A Hawaiian sherbet please.” She smiled at him. The employee nodded in return & left, leaving her to lean against the counter in defeat.

It took a while to give in, realizing it would bug him the rest of the day if he didn't. “Why don’t you leave me alone?” He finally spoke up. “It’s too early anyways.”

“Hey, you don’t have to be so rude. And it’s the _afternoon_ Sehun.” Cerise blurted out, “Check the time, check the time! The clock is right there!” She pointed to the wall clock, feeling her face burn up.

He groaned, closing his eyes. _Why did I even start?_ “....Okay, okay. Just please don’t be so loud, it hurts my head.”

“Hm? What happened? Another hangover? Off the high?” She questioned lowering her voice, piercing a stare at him. “Geez, men are so disappointing.....”

“Then why are you still talking to me if I’m _so_ disappointing?” He asked, turning to face her. The man had a chance to study the way she looked; the strands of hair wildly let loose & her cheeks glowed of sweat. In spite of how enthusiastic she seemed to be, her eyes were missing something in those honey-colored voids. Sehun wasn’t sure of what, but it definitely was something. It almost made him feel sorry for being too harsh.

Cerise paused, caught off guard by what he had said. “W—well, Hyeseong went with Chanyeol to the back, so....I’m waiting...for her.” She shrugged, “Cause that’s what friends do, y’know?”

 “I’m surprised you haven’t yet confronted this ‘friend’ about her _unusual_ habits.” He mentioned, pushing aside the empty sundae glass.

“How do you know?” Cerise asked surprised, as she was handed her sherbet across the counter.

“I _am_ that asshole’s friend. These days he doesn’t shut up about his girlfriends.” Sehun shrugged, “It’s beyond tragedy living beings fall for him.” 

“At least we can agree on something.” Cerise muttered. Picking up the silver spoon, she poked at the bright cherry on top, trying to not let it get to her. But then, her eyes perked up immediately as she realized it. “It was Chanyeol that got her into that stuff. And it’s not like you are any different from him.”

Scoffing, he brought his index finger to his chest. “.... _Me?_ Excuse me, I don’t go around luring kids to get them hooked on _anything_. I know what I’m doing & I do it on _my_ own.”

“Oh please.” Cerise jammed the spoon into the sherbet & looked at him. “I didn’t mean it like that.” She took his arm in her hand, exposing his skin's paleness as well as the needle marks. She traced them slowly, mark per mark. It disappointed her, & she wanted to ask why he does it.  _What could lead you do harm yourself like this?_ “Last time I saw you, you said you’d quit.”

“I guess you are right, we _are_  disappointing.” And with that, he pulled his arm away. “Stop worrying about me anyways, it's annoying.”

“Huh?!” Embarrassment hit the girl's face, “Who said I worry about you? Gross...” She crossed her arms over the counter, “Let me eat my sherbet!”

୨✩୧

After loosing track of time at the parlor, Hyeseong invited Cerise to her house. The two locked themselves in Hyeseong's room while blasting music over the radio, making a mess of the already disastrous room. And soon the sun had begun to set, & Cerise had to leave. Her parents didn't like her returning home at dark, although she did it in secret anyways at times.

On her bicycle she was again, heading home. The air was cooler than earlier & she took her time, calmly making her way during the settling hour. Riding her bicycle on the familiar street, she knew she was getting home. She noticed the moving truck was now no longer there, & realized the neighbor must've been done. In the distance she spotted something rather dark on the ground. Once she neared it, she stopped to reach down for it only to recognize it as a journal or book of some sort. It laid in front of the new neighbor's house, & Cerise was almost certain it belonged to her. Sitting on her bike seat, she pondered whether she should give it to her right now or later. Looking over at the home, she shook her head & decided tomorrow she’ll do it.

Only until she went home, Cerise took a look at it. She carefully flipped through the orange journal laying on her bed, realizing it had tons of shaded sketches; faces, bodies, & even some landscapes that seemed to be beautifully drawn, just by a pencil & the hand at the end of it.

 “Cerise!! Dinner!” Her mom yelled from downstairs, startling her. She closed the journal & headed out, deciding to formally meet the new neighbor tomorrow, & give her the journal.

***


	3. ✧ one ; soft love

**[3rd]**

It was another hot summer morning. The parched heat is what woke Cerise up just three hours before midday. She switched into her favorite white tank top to match it with a red miniskirt. After, she did her usual early routine. Once done eating breakfast she called up Hyeseong like any other day to plan what ridiculous things they’d do this time. However, she was shockingly disappointed.

“Sorry Cerise, I can't today.” Hyeseong said over the phone, “I'm spending the day with Chanyeol. One of his friend’s is having a party later & he said I should go with him.”

This is where things started to go downhill. Not only for their already shaky friendship which Cerise tried to ignore, but Hyeseong's mental state. Cerise stood quiet in her room, gripping onto the phone. She fumbled with the telephone wire in her fingers, thinking of something to say. She finally closed her eyes in dread, letting an small scoff escape her lips. “How could you chose a _guy_ over me, your best friend?”

“Cerise!...Don't say that, you know I...love you very much....” Hyeseong whined. “We had this planned since yesterday.....Fine, how about you tag along? I know Sehun will be—”

“Gross! As if!” And that's how the irritated Cerise hung up. Immediately getting up, she paced around her room in disbelief. _Now she suggests I third wheel?! This is sick! She's lucky I haven't gone to her parents about this crude relationship!...Ugh!_ With her face drained in embarrassment, she decided to play the radio in order to calm herself down. Picking up a stack of various teen magazines off her desk, she threw them onto the bed to lay on her belly beside them. _Might as well catch up on what I missed, like any of it matters..._

Humming to the songs played on the radio while flipping through her Jackie magazines — one after another — is how Cerise spent the agonizing morning trying to pass time. The feverish summer heat made it difficult for her but the girl made it through unharmed.

୨✩୧

_Twice._

Feeling the hotness of the wind hit her muggy skin, she stood before the neighbor’s door. Cerise didn’t know why she waited for her mother to leave, nor why she lied to her mother about going to Hyeseong’s. All she knew is the orange journal that now clung against her chest taunted her to go over & introduce herself; she felt strangely attracted to do so. Maybe it was her lack of friends or the loneliness she’s tried to hide beneath her skin, but now there was no heading back. Her eyes fell to her sneakers, all dirty from overtime use. _Should I just go back home? I'll be alone anyways, I'll go back to listening to music...._

She snapped out of her self paranoia, hearing the door slowly creak open. Cerise was quickly hit with the air conditioning & smile of the bright-haired neighbor. Her eyes slowly traveled upwards, meeting eyes.

“Hello.”

“....H—hi.” Cerise managed to sheepish smile with a shrug. Extending her arm to give the woman the journal she found, she tried to ease herself by shifting in her shoes. “I found this yesterday right outside the gate & figured it‘s yours.”

“I was looking for this one, it has a few sketches I was working on...” Receiving it in her hands she thanked the girl, slightly trailing off about how the moving men were doing an extra lousy job yesterday. “God, I’ll never hire those guys again....!”

Cerise intently listened to the lady, her unwavering bright eyes almost smiling hearing her ramble. After the woman realized how she was talking about something else, she apologized quickly. Then, there was a nail-biting silence lasting about two Mississippis.

“....I—I’m Cerise!” She blurted out in an act to save the conversation, fumbling with her fingers.

“Thanks for saving my journal, Cerise.” The mysterious lady smiled. She paused for a moment, noticing how the younger girl struggled with herself. It caused her to laugh a little. “I’m Park Sooyoung.” Holding out her hand, she was taken by the balminess of Cerise’s. “You seem to be suffering in the heat, would you like to come in?”

“Why not. Everyone else seems to be busy anyways.” Cerise smiled.

Cerise’s eyes scanned all over the place, her skin chilling from the cold. She could _feel_ the emptiness of the whole house as she stood in place, yet it looked pretty messy; strangely full, even. The discolored beige living room walls were decorated with minimal paintings that reminded her of a past summer; one she could not exactly recall. And all over the floor were stacks of papers, old books, & empty canvases. There was only one leather couch & a small round coffee table in front of it, pushed off to the right side.

“I just came from Brooklyn so I hope you could excuse how messy this place looks.” Sooyoung stood beside Cerise, with an awkward smile. “...Still planning on what colors to paint the walls, it’s making me upset seeing the boring colors.”

“No worries! But more importantly, how are you doing here?”

“So far so good. California is much hotter than I imagined...” Sooyoung replied, “Not to mention it’s a hassle trying to get a hold of museums here willing to showcase my art, but it’s just one fight I’m going to have to win.” She walked Cerise over to the coffee tables exposing how much work she needed done, setting the journal aside. “I also have to find some models within these folders, that's a painful process. I’m going to be busy for days!”

“Models?” Cerise looked up at her, who exchanged funny looks to the girl.

“How else am I supposed to be inspired! Girls evoke these unspeakable emotions, they’re beautiful creatures & well, they’re girls! That is a good enough reason, don’t you agree?”

“If you're insinuating they are better than boys, I _wholeheartedly_ agree.” Cerise nodded, secretly hoping it didn't sound weird saying it out loud. She didn't want Sooyoung to think the little Californian girl is just as immature as the next. Lifting up her left hand, she pressed it softly against her cool cheek. But the least expected caught her off guard.

Wrapping her arms around the girl's shoulders almost immediately, Sooyoung mindlessly rested her jaw on Cerise's shoulder. Giving her a little sway in her arms she managed to voice out her relief filled with enthusiasm. “I can't believe I've already connected with someone! Oh, I already like you a lot Cerise.”

The neighbor's bold move was enough to set a flare on Cerise's face; one that spread furiously from her cheeks to the tips of her ears. _O—oh my god!! She's hugging me! Me, Cerise—what did I do to be blessed like this?!_ Furring her brows to conceive her odd satisfaction of it all, she mumbled quietly a thank you.

“Hm?” Tilting her head slightly downwards, Sooyoung's nose tip hit the girl's skin. Inhaling an unfamiliar fragrance to her, she quickly repeated the action only to find it was different than the first time. “What smell is this?”

“I—I—It’s a mixture of Mandora, Bergamot & Lilac. My best friend bought it for me as a birthday gift & I’ve worn it since.” Cerise eyes darted all over the place as a means to compose her unsteady body at the foreign touch.

“A powdery combination of sweetness, interesting.” Sooyoung lifted up her face to meet Cerise’s. She tried meeting eyes with the girl, but failed. “...I think I might’ve just found my inspiration.”

“H—huh?”

Letting go of the teen, the older stood afar from her, faced-front. Pushing her fiery hair out of her face, she then began to ask a few questions of interest. “How old are you?”

“Seventeen.” Cerise replied hastily, now being the one to eye the girl.

“Boyfriend? Girlfriend?” Sooyoung crosses her arms, waiting for an answer. She didn’t seem serious, just pensive about how she would answer.

“N—none!”

“Okay, that’s good.” She finally nodded, dropping her arms. Sooyoung stood there for a good moment, deciphering in her mind about something. “...I hope this doesn’t sound too sudden, bu—”

“Sooyoung!! Sooyoung! Hello??!” A feminine voice shouted behind the front door. Another voice also accompanied, asking more hello’s over the door.

“....Excuse me.” Sooyoung biting her bottom lip, walked over to the door almost internally groaning. It’s like she already knew who was behind that door, & secretly didn’t want to open it. Still, she turned the cold knob & revealed two women with red smiles painted across theirs faces.

“So you are home!” The taller brunette exclaimed as she hugged Sooyoung instantly.

“My my Seulgi, I didn’t think you guys would come today.” It was very obvious Sooyoung forced herself to be happy at her friends’ unexpected visit. “This place still isn't presentable yet....”

“Eh! Why don’t you sound happy!” Seulgi pouted, looking over at her friend beside her.

“I would like to know as well.” The black-haired women said sternly, until her mean gleaming eyes traveled from Sooyoung’s to Cerise — who stood silently in the back seeing it all happen. “Or is it because you were about to get busy with your new girlfriend?”

“Huh?! Girlfriend?” Seulgi tried peeking over Sooyoung's shoulder only catching a glimpse of said girl.

“It's not like that at all! She’s the first friend I have made here.” Sooyoung turned slightly & with a smile she gestured the girl over to meet her friends. “I think she's great.”

Trying to show herself as presentable, Cerise took soft steps. _Just be calm, be calm. Now's your chance to make new friends!...._ Standing beside Sooyoung, Cerise grinned at the two before her. “Hello.” She observes the cold-looking girl first; Cerise took notice of her icy glare towards her & how she seemed like a very composed person. However, the other beside her appeared to be more friendlier — according to Cerise — because she didn’t wear a solemn face.

“This is Cerise,” Sooyoung spoke up, “Cerise, these are my long-time friends, Seulgi & Joohyun.”

“Oh you’re so cute! Joohyun, look at the cute ribbons in her hair! Her outfit is even cuter!” Seulgi smiled widely at the girl in between her aww’s, “Sooyoung must be lucky to have made a friend like you! Be sure to take care of her, please!”

“Leave her alone Seulgi, you’re creeping her out.” Joohyun growled at her friend beside her. “We’re here for something else.” Crossing her arms, she stared at Sooyoung. “Mind giving us what we came for?”

“Yes! I almost forgot until you mentioned it.” Perking up, the red-haired woman dashed to the massive mess of folders & archives on top of the coffee table. The three of them stared at her as she flipped through folders & muttered words under her breath. “Found it!”

“Thanks.” Joohyun flipped through some pages of the thick archive, scanning each page with her eyes swiftly. “Alright, I guess we’ll get going.”

“We’ll visit during a more convenient time.” Seulgi said as she waved to the two. “See ya later!” Irene quietly mumbled a goodbye, & the two turned away.

“That pair...!” Sooyoung laughed. She closed the door, placing a hand on her hips. “They’re a handful, believe it or not....Now, what I was I about to say....” _...Huh, I can’t remember._

As the older wore a puzzled face while tapping her heel, she long thought about what she meant to say before being cut off. Searching through her mind she tried her best to remember. Unknowingly, her eyes met with the girl’s used sneakers that had little flowers sewn onto them. It made her smile a little, & she trailed upwards meeting the sparkly eyes of Cerise. Then Sooyoung finally remembered in a flash. _Ah! I was going to ask her if she’d like to be my model! She’s the complete opposite of the other models I’ve had—wait....Oh...._ The more she thought about it, the more Sooyoung spiraled into a series of thoughts that made her regret even thinking of it. _She’s very young to be a model & I’ve just met her. I don’t want her to think I’m some kind of creep or something...ah, never mind..._

“I wanted to ask you....” Sooyoung trailed off seeing her bright eyes waiting for an answer, & she almost caught herself. “I wanted to ask you how long did it take you to adjust here?”

“Oh....” The light in Cerise’s eyes ceased quickly. “I moved to this town 5 years ago, I didn’t really have a problem. Other than making friends.” She weakly smiles afterwards, “You should be fine here Sooyoung.”

In response, Sooyoung headed over to hug the young Cerise once again as a sign of thanking her for reassurance. In truth, she was nervous about living in a new place especially since she hadn’t previously been familiar with it. It was an act of impulse; she ended up blaming her artistic side instead of taking responsibility for her certain decision. Coincidentally her friends pursued a career in California too & managed to follow after her. And she knew she’ll always be eternally grateful for that.

“I think I’ve already taken too much of your time, so I’ll leave you to whatever it is you were doing.” Cerise broke the silence with a fabricated cheery tone.

“No, you don’t have to leave.” Sooyoung lifted up her face, just inches from Cerise’s, revealing a frown. “I was bored until you came!”

A pink tinge spread over Cerise’s face all over again; she found it difficult to be composed once again.

And so, the two spent most of the day sorting through folders on the coffee table — in which they’d take breaks eating soft ice-cream — ultimately conversing in pep talk & heartfelt laughter.

***


	4. ✧ two ; ground

**[3rd]**

The bookstore was located on the corner of the tranquil Main Street. Aside from being one of the oldest standing constructions, it still is one of the town’s popular attractions. On this particular day there was chalk drawings the local children drew to pass time on the steps, for passersby to catch a glimpse of & perhaps smile.

During the afternoon Cerise headed there. Having made a new friend earlier that day — the artistic red-haired Sooyoung in her 20s — she was now dead set on becoming the embodiment of ethereal to model for her. She was also dead sure that Sooyoung was going to ask her to be a possible model earlier but uncertain why she changed her mind last minute. Cerise had thought maybe it was her age, or maybe even worse — the way she acted or looked. But that was going to change.

Just as Cerise was going to walk up the stairs, she halted once her eyes met the faded sketches of castles & swordsmen risking their lives for the helpless princess. It made her smile, reminding her of doing the same when she was younger in her old hometown. She almost felt horrible having to step onto them, but knew inside they’d fade nonetheless.

With agile movements Cerise moved quickly on the stepping stones, to the welcoming mat & opened the mahogany-colored door. She didn’t care much to look around, instead she went directly to the right where the magazines were. The section was located near the large glass window, giving her a pleasant view of the street. There were numerous rows of ‘Teen, Tiger Beat, Dolly, Jackie, & Flip all aligned in neat rows. The first one Cerise’s eyes caught was a ‘Teen magazine in bold letters: **How I became model of the year...And you can too!**

The girl stood there for a few minutes flipping through pages after pages reading what she could, in hopes she’d remember these tips next time she meets Sooyoung. She then dropped the magazine, moving onto the next....& the next, _&_ the next. It was only a matter of time until Cerise had four which seemed promising in her arms. _I might not be able to come back tomorrow, so I’ll take these just in case._

She turned away to pass by the aisles labeled on book genres. She’d catch a sight of women, elders, even children talking to their mothers about the book they had, & it made her secretly pleased. Not many people found the time in their day to read, but Cerise was glad to be proven otherwise. Passing by the second to last aisle — where people donated books, she stopped in her tracks upon seeing a familiar figure standing there.

Gripping onto her magazines, she blinked several times thinking her eyes were playing tricks on her. But they weren’t. Cerise focused on the way they held the book in their hands, completely immersed. They wore their favorite loose ocean-colored shirt with strange white blemishes & shabby blue jeans.

She stayed tight-lipped to prevent herself from laughing at the scene. The teen took a breath before going down the aisle, only to stop beside this familiar figure. He looked away from the book he was reading & met eyes with Cerise, who wore a big grin on her face. “What are you doing here?” He asked calmly.

“I ask you the same thing!” In disbelief, she continued. “Shouldn’t you be sticking a needle in your arm or something? This is the last thing I would've suspected you of doing.”

“Let me guess, little Cerise got bored of dressing up to play house?” Sehun rebutted, closing the grey book shut. He emphasized his last words, hoping she would get the hint. “It’s getting past your curfew. Your mom might send a search party.”

Cerise rolled her eyes, loosening her grip on the magazines. “Whatever.”

Looking down at the several glossy front covers of magazines the girl held in her hands, it made his interest pique. “...What are you here for, in all seriousness.” Sehun asked as he raised a hand in the air. He turned to her having a sudden feeling this’d be good in a funny kind of way.

Letting out awkward cough she then paused for a moment. Casually straightening her back to stand taller than usual, she closed her eyes. “You see, I want to become a model—”

“A model?!” His face grew more puzzled, _“You?”_

“W—well, yes. But it’s not the way you think.” Cerise opened her eyes, trying to save her words. But the odds were against her, feeling the heat rise up to the tips of her ears. She found her throat caught yet continued with grace. “..I want to model for someone. To be their inspiration, follow?”

“No, I don’t.” Trying his best to hold his laughter in, Sehun furrowed his brows. “Elaborate.”

“Ah! Never mind, never mind.....It’s all a mess in my head right now.” She shook her head, ruing. Backtracking in her mind, she asked herself if it was worth even telling him. _No one would understand me._

“Your head _is_ small....” He sighed.

“Am I supposed to be offended by that?” Cerise asked, tapping her foot to the wooden floor.

“Not at all.” Sehun answered with a sly smile, “Just a compliment.”

Cerise ultimately let it go, finding it would eat her away later for being so senseless. She decided to switch the tangles & make fun of him — whatever the reason may be. “And you?”

“Oh you know, the usual,” Sehun opened the book, flipping to a random page. “Just learning the precautions of making a meth lab.”

“Stop joking.” Cerise said sternly, “You said in all seriousness, remember?”

“Alright, you caught me.” He said in a surrendering tone, closing the book. “I was heading over the Playboy section. There’s not much action I’ve had these past months.”

Eyeing the silver cross that hung on his chest, Cerise complained. “That’s not very Christian of you....” She irritatingly mumbled to herself as she looked at her sneakers. _I should be doing something productive, like getting more tips.....or something...._

He noticed how the girl was slowly turning frustrated, although Sehun didn’t think she’d react such. After realizing it wasn't much fun either, he caved in. “Fine. It’s just an old medical book someone trashed. I was killing time before I end the night finding comfort in debauchery.”

“De—who?”

“ _A party,_ is what I meant.” Sehun clarified, looking at the girl.

“Party?” Cerise ears perked up. Her eyes lit up, curious if this party was the one Hyeseong was going to as well. She leaned against the wooden shelf, thinking about doing some investigation of her own. “Tell me more about this party.”

“Don’t even think about it, Cerise.” Sehun shoved the book back into place on the shelf, “By the end of the night you'll be completely blitzed, it’s definitely not a place for you.”

“I don’t want to go dummy,....I want to know who's hosting this party.” She responded, almost shocked he would even think she'd go to a place where all the junkies go & meet their maker someday.

“A friend.”

“Does this friend know Chanyeol?” Cerise asked, staring at him.

“Yeah he does. Chanyeol never misses one of Baekhyun’s parties, he’s always there. Makes sense since he’s our main plug.” He stared back, “...You’re so interested because of his girlfriend right?”

“ _My_ best friend”, she corrected, “And yes, maybe.” She followed beside him. She had more to say but remembered somethings are better left unsaid & unknown to her. The two walked past the long shelves of books until they reached the front of the store. “Um....” Cerise stopped in her tracks, feeling the sides of her skirt. She realized she left her money in another outfit earlier when she was getting dressed. “I don’t have any money...” She looked down at the magazines. She hoped a certain someone would help to buy her them, a plan came into her mind.

“Hmm?”

She only smiled sweetly at him, giving puppy eyes in front of everyone else who managed to see. “If _only_ someone would buy these magazines for _me_.”

Feeling some glances on both of them, Sehun neared the girl. He was secretly surprised she’d pull a stunt like that, especially for some magazines. “Look,” He leaned to her slightly, furrowing his brows. In almost a perceptible whisper, he continued, “Making me look like the bad guy here isn’t gonna help. I don’t have any money either...Only my drug money strictly for emergencies.”

“But this _is_ an emergency.” She leaned in as well, her voice getting lower. She wore an innocent face with a frown, “I’ll definitely pay you back. But if you don’t buy me them, I _will_ cry & cause a scene.”

“They’re just stupid magazines Cerise.” He pressed, “It’s not a big deal.”

“Heroin isn’t a big deal either.” Cerise counter-attacked silently, “It’s ironic how you try to ease your pain by more pain.”

Realizing he was going in circles with the girl he ultimately sighed, shutting his eyes in disappointment. Snatching the books from her arms, he muttered under his breath, “This _better_ be worth it.”

“It will, I promise!” Cerise chirped, still standing in place. She waited there patiently, studying his back. By then the stares had already diminished & she thought about how she pushed the limit; he had no choice other than to comply. Cerise even felt proud of herself. _I should do that more often actually._

Setting the magazines on the cashier counter, Sehun reached for his wallet in his back pocket. He didn't even look at the cashier to know what kind of looks he was getting from him. “How much?” He asked, landing eyes on one of the smiling girls on the cover of Dolly. He internally groaned knowing this would effect his already bad reputation in the small town; news travels fast. As the cashier was busy putting the magazines in a bag, Sehun dug in his pocket for a cigarette. Without asking, he took a black pen laying on the counter & carefully began to write on the cigarette. He threw the pen back onto the counter, & took the bag in his hand once he was done. When he started heading towards the door, Sehun slipped the cigarette into the bag discreetly, hoping Cerise didn't notice.

Cerise hurriedly followed beside him, taking the bag from his hand. “Thank you.” She cooed, showing one of her signature toothy grins in hopes it would lighten the atmosphere. Sehun only narrowed his eyes at her, irritated at how candid she was acting.

“If I ever get caught, you’ve just added more years to my prison term. I would be considered a child predator, of _all_ things. I wouldn't survive the first day there thanks to you.” He stressed, scanning the street from the welcoming mat. “Do you know what they do to people like me inside? They’d cut my balls & flush them down the fucking toilet.”

“Calm down!” Cerise laughed at the weary voice of his. “You have such crazy imagination. Nothing is going to happen.” Patting his shoulder, she realized how fun it is to see him act so nervous. _I really need to do this more often._ Turning on her feet, she ran to onto the stepping stones. “Well I’m off! Thanks for the magazines.”

“Where you going?” Sehun crossed his arms secretly annoyed she’d leave after a simple thank you.

“Home is calling.” Cerise faced him as she raised the bag, “And the magazines are too.”

“Okay, I’ll take you home then.”

Cerise scoffed, uncertain of what she heard. It was unusual for him to be open to do such a goodwill gesture, especially after what she had did. As seen prior, you had to fight it out of him. “Where’s this sudden kindness coming from?”

Sehun caught up with her, glancing down at the cement stones as his feet landed on one. He had remembered yesterday the milk carton he threw away had more missing people than before & coincidentally, all of them happened to be female. “...If you go missing, people saw _me_ with you last.”

She gave him a long stare of irk as it was no shocker. _Without a doubt, it’d be to save your own ass._ In the end Cerise agreed, finding it was getting late & didn’t think walking home was a fun idea.

She followed Sehun to his car, taking notice of how run down at first glance it looked. It was a Chevrolet with it’s paint fading at every edge. She was almost sure it was originally a jet black, now it just seemed a dull grey. Sehun saw how the girl stood there, eyeing the car from left to right. “What’s the matter? She doesn’t bite, I promise.”

Crossing her arms against her chest, Cerise firmly stood in place. “You need to take care of this car.” Is all she said before pulling the silver handle. Amused by her sudden interest, Sehun asked why she seemed to care about it more than he did.

Setting herself on the hot leather, she dropped the bag beside her feet to close the door. “My dad loved cars. I know he would’ve told you the same thing.”

Sehun’s smile disappeared, realizing he didn’t want to tread into sensitive waters at the moment. He knew what to poke her with, but her deceased father wasn’t in the list. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Without surprise, the two bickered most of the ride; from the car, drugs to trivial things not worth mentioning. In the middle of Sehun arguing with her, Cerise began to laugh, unruly — realizing how stupid it all was. She looked out the window to let the hot wind hit her face while Sehun’s voice was still in the background.

“This is not funny!” He said, trying to keep his eyes on the road. “I could go on half of the day about this.” She continued to ignore him, closing her eyes as she took the sound of the streets.

It wasn’t long until Sehun pulled up on the front of the girl’s house. Cerise was too busy landing eyes at the neighbor trying to revive the dead grass on her new lawn to notice though. “What are you looking at?” Sehun peeked over her shoulder, to first notice the fiery red hair of a woman.

“Shh!” Cerise whispered, shifting in her seat. Her bright eyes were just above the lowered window, covertly wishing Sooyoung wouldn’t take notice.

“She’s got ugly hair.” Sehun murmured over Cerise’s shoulder, “That’s not a flattering color on her.”

Cerise turned her head slightly, whispering a word or two of offense to him. “Very bold of _you_ to say when you have grotesque orange hair yourself.” She continued looking at Sooyoung, who still held the hose. “Stop being a prick.”

“Hey I like my hair....!”

Sooyoung heard where the voice came from & alarmingly looked at a car — not far from her house — to meet eyes with a flustered Cerise. Before having a chance to react she retreated, leaning back in the seat closing her eyes shut. She could feel her heart beating against her chest, getting louder by the second. The heat from her face spread across her chest rapidly. “.....God help me so, I’ll _kill_ you.” She muttered under her breath.

Sehun disregarded what her last remark, instead wondering about that woman. He only knew for sure she had a certain degree of influence on the girl. “Who is that? I’ve never seen her before.”

Cerise opened her eyes slowly, pouting. “She’s the new neighbor,” she softly spoke. “The artist looking for a model.”

“That’s who you were talking about...” He also leaned back on the leather seat & turned his head to look at Cerise again. “Did she really ask you to be her model?”

“No.” Cerise mumbled, slouching steadily in her seat, “But I know she was going to judging by the look on her face...”

“Is there a reason why you want to be _her_  model so badly? You seem passionate about something superficial. It’s not very you.” Sehun mentioned, searching for a Parliament & lighter in his shirt pocket. He waited to hear a response from the girl as he set the white filter in between his lips.

For Cerise it was something she hadn’t thought about at all, making it one of the few instances where she was completely stunned. She tried searching in her mind for it without any luck. “....I don’t have an answer.” She eyed the way he lit up the Parliament in his mouth, throwing the lighter inside his pocket once again.

“I'm sure you do, just have to find it.” Sehun replied waving the filter in the air, “Only if you stick around long enough to recognize it.”

Cringing at the cigarette smoke hitting her face, Cerise grabbed the white bag beside her ankles. “As much as I want to stay & hear your nonsense, I don’t want to develop asthma.” Pushing the door open, she stepped out of the car. Closing the door, she leaned against it. “....You don’t have to, but I’d really appreciate it if you could tell me what happens between Hyeseong & Chanyeol at the party. Maybe they do something of value there, who knows.”

“I’ll see.” Sehun responded, “Most of the time I don’t remember what happens there.”

Pretending to be shocked, Cerise raised her hands over her mouth. “No way,” she said, “I am _absolutely_ heartbroken. I would’ve expected more from a junkie like you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He smiled at her sarcasm, “Go play with your dolls.”

“I’m leaving now, bye.” Pushing herself off the car, she stuck out her tongue one last time at Sehun.

Turning around, she awkwardly tried to make it seem like she was dusting off her skirt. Once she heard the car drive off, Cerise took a glance at Sooyoung for a second, seeing the woman look back. It made the teen remember when Sooyoung was close to her & it gave her the jitters — the good kind. Deep in the crevice of her heart, she again felt that painfully pleasant tinge. It was bittersweet, making Cerise weak in the knees to even recall it. She didn’t exactly what she was feeling, but liked it.

She decided to smile at Sooyoung in hopes she would get past the embarrassing spying moment. And in return Sooyoung’s red lips smiled back warmly as she turned off the green hose.

The girl opened the iron gate to her home, & headed to the right side of the yard. “Hi.” Cerise greeted, shifting in her shoes unconsciously.

“I thought you said you had no boyfriend?” Was the first thing Sooyoung said, biting her lip. “Or was that a lie?”

Cerise’s face turned florid at the words she said. “H—huh?!” Her eyes dilated as she tried to explain herself. “You mean Sehun? He isn’t my boyfriend at all! That’s gross to even think about, gross!!”

Sooyoung crossed her arms over her chest, “Then are you two only friends?”

“No! Not even friends, not at all. We don’t get along, honest. We’re always fighting when it’s the two of us.” Cerise shook her head, gripping into the handle of the bag. The two stared at each other in nail-biting silence. It made Cerise nervous by the second, unknowing what to do.

Suddenly, Sooyoung broke out laughing, leaning over. She raised her hand to her stomach, trying to control her laughter but failed. Cerise stood there heart beating against her chest loudly again, confused. “I’m just playing with you, Cerise! You’re so cute, I couldn’t resist!” Cleaning her tears from the laughter, Sooyoung regained her breath before apologizing to the girl for teasing her.

“You scared me....” Cerise nervously smiled, “I don’t want you to think of me as a liar.”

“I wouldn’t think that.” The woman replied, “There’s just something about you. You don’t seem like the hurtful type.”

Cerise stared at Sooyoung, whose face seemed a little colorful than before. The girl wondered why would she think so, especially since they haven’t even known each other for a day.

“By the way I wanted to ask you if you could help me tomorrow as well.” Sooyoung said in that calm but lovely voice of hers. “I still need a whole bunch of sorting. I understand if you couldn’t—”

Cerise agreed almost immediately, nodding with a smile, “Yes!”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow Cerise, no later than midday.” Sooyoung said, with a smile gracing her face. In that instant, she remembered something, face dropping tediously. “I’ve got to go, Seulgi is dragging me to a party later & I have to get ready.”

“Party?!” Cerise shouted in surprise. “A—are you going to Baekhyun’s party?!?”

Sooyoung raised a brow. She’s never heard of this Baekhyun. “I’m not sure, Seulgi kept on rambling & I didn’t hear half of what she said after the word party.”

“Oh....that’s alright.” Cerise replied as she shifted in her shoes, “Well I’ve got to get going too or I’ll miss dinner.” The two exchanged sincere goodbyes, but Cerise couldn’t help but wonder about the party at the dinner table.

***


	5. ✧ three ; eye on you

**[C]**

I haven’t felt truly peaceful in a while.

In fact, I can’t really remember when was the last time; had it been a few weeks or months? There was always something to stress about like myself or the future, but more importantly others around me. In this little town we all knew who were the deranged ones, yet nothing has ever been done about it. Just turn heads & whisper under breaths about misconstrues — little meaningless gossips. I couldn't exactly recall when I’ve been tranquil but one thing I know for sure is in this moment, I felt only that. From inside Sooyoung’s home I could hear the soft songs of the finches & the slight breeze coming from outside. Today didn’t seem any less scorching than yesterday but thankfully she protected me from it, again. I laid criss-crossed on the floor, hands on the coffee table which appeared neater than yesterday. I stared at Sooyoung’s lips as she began to talk about what she wore to the party last night with a smile. She sat across from me, on the small couch wearing a loose black dress that reached her knees. Her face showed tiredness under the makeup & her red hair was neatly tied in a bun. Fixing, arranging, even separating files was a call of serious business in the beginning, but then we stopped for a while to converse.

What I felt was this warm feeling in my chest, I couldn’t help but smile. Unconsciously tapping the pen I held against the table, I became engrossed on the sounds of the outside world. Earlier Sooyoung had mentioned despite having the ac on, she liked the windows slightly open. I told her it defeats the purpose of cold air but she responded nonchalantly that it all heightens her creativity & inspiration.

I only began to give her my full attention when she divulged being formally introduced to the orange-haired Sehun. My reaction was utter bewilderment, eyes dilating, jaw dropping & all. Questions raised in my mind such as for starters, _why?_ Judging by the way he spoke about her hair yesterday, he wouldn’t want to be near eye distance of Sooyoung; the misanthropist did whatever he could to avoid anyone outside of his tight friend circle, even me despite knowing each other for almost half a decade. In essence, the man was full of endless snarky offenses & only the fiends just like him would find him delightful. Why do something oddly confound, what benefit would it be?

“About two or three girls were practically on his back when I sat down to wait for Seulgi, who went to get drinks. They had him locked, none of them wanted to let go of the guy.” A grin spread Sooyoung’s lips as she tried to surpass her laughter as she recalled last night. “As he was trying to break free from them he saw me. He walked over & introduced himself as if nothing happened. Although it was disappointing seeing his pain end quickly, I would’ve enjoyed watching it drag on for ten more minutes. Funnier than what’s on TV if you ask me.”

A vivid image of Sehun trying to escape a group of girls at a party was implanted in my mind, resulting in laughter. As usual, he would do whatever would benefit him & him only. I almost wish I could’ve been there to see this sight. “You seem to enjoy Sehun’s suffering a little too much Sooyoung.”

“Definitely, who would run _away_ from girls?!” Sooyoung asked, showing genuine dissatisfaction. She furrowed her brows, continuing. “It’s like finding a hundred dollar bill laying on the ground but not picking it up. I thought he was mad.”

I gazed at her eyes, entertained by the answer. She had such a vocal liking for the female existence, but I suppose that’s the mind of an artist for you. Dainty, feminine etiquette, it’s all a profound enigma that even I, as one myself, never quite understood. Maybe Sooyoung would help me comprehend it with her art. “I’m curious, what did you two talk about?”

Her face brightened up by my question, with a tinge of pink gracing her cheeks. She half-smiled, laying back in her seat. She lifted one leg on another to adjust herself & I knew, this would be either interesting or _extra_ interesting. “Nothing other than our Cerise of course.”

“W—what?!” Worry washed over my body like crashing waves. The more my brain processed it, the more anxious I got.

“Aside from introductions, we talked about our favorite girl.” I could see amusement fill her up at my embarrassment, & I looked away sheepishly hearing her speak. “Very assertive & protective about you as I expected. He wanted to know when we met, my intentions, things like that.”

 _How weird._ Lifting up a brow, I was almost certain she wasn’t saying the story right. This doesn’t sound anything like him at all. “Are you sure we’re talking about the same person? Orange hair, pale, cranky, really annoying?”

“Yeah I’m sure it was, just a little strung out.” Sooyoung laughed, “I thought it was strange how he wanted to know these things, got mad when I didn’t tell him everything. I asked him if he was your father & he didn’t like that either.”

“Did he say anything mean about me?” I narrowed my eyes incredulously. Sehun always found a way to belittle me however he could, & I know he must’ve said something that’ll I’ll get angry over. Just thinking about it made me irritated. Shifting in my seat, I bit the pen cap.

As her red lips spread, she tapped her red nails onto her cheek to increase the anticipation in the room. “...Not at all. Instead he told me a story about how you held a cake for a birthday party but tripped in front of everyone—”

“Oh I’ll kill him!” Flames arose inside of me abruptly, slamming the pen down onto the coffee table. I felt the unbearable heat of humiliation all over my face, & I was going to make him pay sooner or later for this.

“Cerise don’t worry, we all have our moments.” Hearing the ease in Sooyoung’s voice, I looked up at her to see her never-vanishing smile. “I thought it was really cute.” There it was again. Being so awfully charming & speaking in that cheeky tone. I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t make somersaults every time she gave me that look, it almost frightened me. We stood for a moment in nail-biting silence, unsure of what to say.

She spoke up first with subtle eagerness. “I’m now invested, how do you two keep such a fruitful amity?” She asked showing genuine interest. “How long have you two known each other?”

_Fruitful?_

I’m not sure we could call it that, especially since — whatever it was — was built upon insults & derisive talk. Of course it was a nuisance to keep the persistent bickering over the years but I got used to it. I took the glass of cold water Sooyoung had served me earlier & took a sip before setting it down, wiping my lips. After a breath, I spoke up amidst the stillness. “We’ve known each other for about eight years. Sehun was nice to me at first since we were newcomers & I was dreadfully shy. As a small kid it was difficult making friends, & he just sort of laid on the train tracks or kicked rocks at the corner. Let me tag along without a fight. That was six  years before his heroin addiction.” Softly remembering those days with downcast eyes I continued, fumbling with the file under my fingers. “He lost the color to his skin, became thin & his erratic behavior got worse in the span of a few weeks.”

“Then why do you still hang around him?” Sooyoung asked, “Why bother?”

“It’s easier said than done, isn’t it.” I scoffed, continuing. “...I only once witnessed him get his fix. The last thing that jerk saw was me before his eyes rolled to the back of his head & fell with the needle in his arm, he was gone. I didn’t see him for two weeks after that....Sehun profusely apologized once he saw me again & I got infuriated. But, nobody apologizes for stuff like that, it’s doesn’t ever cross their minds.” Palming my cheek at the memories, I could feel the tears threaten to spill. With a stifle sigh, I fought them back. “You know, for a scheming, self-loathing junkie I appreciate his efforts to keep me away from that.....” Blinking repeatedly in a hushed manner, I realized I had spoken a little too much. If I was aiming to be one of her models, I had lost the chance right here.

My hand immediately reached for the glass of water on the coffee table, feeling my mouth dry. With eyes avoiding Sooyoung, I felt nervous about the silence. So many questions ran through my mind, I scolded myself; _why did I throw out such a personal thing in the open? Was it right?_

I was taken by surprise when I saw Sooyoung’s tall figure stand up from her spot, taking slow steps towards me. Before I had a chance to react she knelled before me, gently crashing her body into mine. I could feel my heart pounding against my chest like it did yesterday when I saw her, growing dangerously loud each second. Sooyoung’s cheek was planted on my head as she tightly wrapped her arms around my quivering shoulders. Shutting my eyes tight, I knew it was too late. “Thank you for the tragedy. I need it for my art.” She whispered, & I could recognize the faint smell of cigarettes intermingled with cheap wine on her. Tears brimmed my lash-lines like a frantic child, remembering those cruel memories I had buried in the depths of my heart & mind. Not only was I was loosing someone important to me but the wound of loosing my father had never been awry, resurfacing now. That time period was something I never would’ve wanted to talk about yet here I was. I gave in to Sooyoung so easily, that’s the obscure effect she had on me.

She broke away from me after a moment, serene like the summer breeze. I opened my eyes, feeling her lift up my chin to face her. She weakly smiled, wiping away my hot tears with her fingers carefully. I was hesitant at first, afraid to look into her eyes; afraid she wouldn’t be here. But I did the right decision hoping otherwise. I took a deep breath looking into her obsidian eyes where she blacked out all my sides. “....It must’ve taken strength to say that Cerise. I’m here with you, only. You can trust me with your thoughts.” With that soothing voice of hers she gave a gummy smile. I could sense the sincerity of her words.

୨✩୧

We spent the next hour or so talking since she wanted to know more about me after sharing such a personal moment together. I knew I could trust her, oddly enough only knowing her for less than a week. In the kitchen we talked. I told her about funny stories from three years ago about me, my small family, & among others; from to mentioning the passing of my father, winning the high school dance contest with Hyeseong, to Sehun’s Pink Floyd vinyl collection well chosen. Her eyes were bright like the sky every time I reached the climax of the story, making me pleased. I was shocked when she told me her father had passed away too, years ago. Sooyoung revealed he had a drinking problem & spent his last breath that way. There was a hint of sadness in her eyes when she mentioned it to me, I’ll never forget it. She still feels turmoil from time to time thinking about him, but confessed it’s never good to dwell on it. I agreed with her, having been in those same shoes.

“I could listen to stories about your life all day, it’s all so frightfully interesting.” Sooyoung leaned forward with elbows on the table, “I like you a lot more than before, the things we share. And I don’t like most people.”

“O—Oh, really?” I smiled cheekily, playing with the white table cloth in my hands slightly, “That means a lot to me.”

We exchanged nail-biting stares, but I couldn’t last long already flushed in face. Her lips puckered together for a moment as she furrowed her brows at me almost in thought. I stayed silent, trying to think of what to say, or if I should’ve waited for her.

All of a sudden she stood up from her seat, fixing her dress. I observed her, paused, as she then untied her bun in a calm manner. I saw the way her dyed hair cascaded down her shoulders, reminding me of a princess I once read as a child. She noticed my staring, & gave me smile. “Come here. I need you to stand in place.”

We both stood in the middle of the room, quietly. I sensed being so small under her gaze. With downcast eyes, I found this being eerily similar to yesterday.

“Do you spend most of your time outside or inside?” Sooyoung asked.

“Me? Um, I’d say outside.” I replied chastely, “Gives me time to think about anything & everything. Brings a sense of tranquility.”

“Is this your natural hair color?” I nodded, blushing when I felt Sooyoung’s hand extend to touch one of my pigtails. She caressed the ribbon in my hair with a gentle smile. “It’s very russet, I like it.” Feeling it in her fingers, she played with it quickly. Letting go, Sooyoung saw it dangle just above my shoulder. I felt my throat get caught, wanting to know what was going through her mind about me. Maybe she was thinking I’m some weird, sad girl that’s only good for separating & arranging files, the bonus having likable hair. “Cerise you have such a petite, slender body!” In her heels Sooyoung began to slowly walk to my left side, “How do you manage?”

“Must be family genes....” It would be a lie if I said I didn’t feel like a suspect & Sooyoung the interrogator. Asking me strange questions, circling around me, this strange aura in the air, it all made me feel anxious yet curious.

I could feel her eyes all over my back as I stood timidly in place. “And this dress fits your body so nicely, I didn't get a good look at it until now.”

“Thank you. I like this dress.” I internally felt ecstatic at the compliment & saw how decent I seemed for once. The reason why I bought it a few weeks ago was because of the overall cute design; a red-white patterned gingham dress that reached my mid-thighs with two thin straps as support. But what caught my attention at first glance was the big white plastic buttons dotting down in the middle of the front, the material was sturdy, gave it character & was something I would wear. I was happy when I tried it on, like it was made specially for me.

“Good choice, it hugs your body in all the right places.” Sooyoung caught me off guard with her foreign touch on my exposed upper back. She melted me inside out with her cold fingers, starting from the tip of my curled toes inside my worn sneakers, up my knees spreading to the tips of my ears. She trailed her fingers painfully slow even onto the thick material of my dress. Instantaneously, I clasped my thighs letting out a sharp hitch with every motion downwards she did, trying to push off this fervid feeling. Whatever she was doing was creating a knot of honey in my stomach, dripping down to my skittish thighs. “Almost makes me want to get a canvas & paint you, but then you’d have to undress for me.”

“...U—undress?” My mind took a second to process her words, resulting in a heart-stopping shifting in place. The pulsing heat was now all over my face with eyes dilating blankly.

I heard her heartfelt laugh burst from behind me as she pulled her hand away. “I’m joking!” Walking to face me with a florid face, her cherry-colored lips spread into a grin. I flinched once she lifted her hands to pinch my heated cheeks, “You’re so cute when you blush! I had to see your reaction, I'm sorry!”

_A joke?....A joke??_

I found it funny the way the conditioned air hit my whole being like relief. The way this day was going was enough to drive me insane; an emotional & physical roller coaster, one I didn't want to live at all.

“Cerise, may I ask you something?” I looked up at Sooyoung, noticing she wore a serious look on her face. I nodded sheepishly, embarrassed from my actions.

“Please don’t find this strange, but...” Sooyoung smiled shyly, “I was hoping you’d be my model.”

My heart stopped, hearing her words. _Was this a dream?_ This was all I have been thinking about since yesterday, it clouded my mind.

“I spent my time trying to find someone without realizing the one I want is you.” Her eyes darted from left to right nervously, avoiding my eyes. She crossed her arms, & I saw the nervous tinge on her cheeks. Was she blushing? It was the first time I saw her do so, & my mind photographed it. “After knowing more about you, it emitted something promising. This is a breakthrough for my work, I could already feel it inside of me. So, will you be my model?“

“Y—yes.”

“Oh!!” Sooyoung smile widely & hugged me. Her voice sounded warm a tight embrace, making me grin myself. “I’m so excited!! There’s a contract but it’s not to worry about Cerise, I give it to all my models! Later today we'll settle the rest.”

Sooyoung wanted to celebrate this new chapter in our lives, & the only thing that came to my mind was the parlor. I told her I spend a lot of time in there during summer because of the sweets & obvious air conditioning. She agreed, so we went in her small Mercury to there. During the drive, I got lost in thought thinking about Hyeseong. I haven’t talked to her since yesterday morning over the phone. I recalled that silent agonizing call & wanted to diminish, sinking in my seat. I turned to look at Sooyoung, who wore a smile on her face as she tapped her nails on the wheel.

୨✩୧

It was kind of sad how empty the parlor was, considering it was a afternoon; Chanyeol wasn’t here & he must’ve been off with Hyeseong, so only two workers were present. Not like it was needed more than that, since a few people here & there were scattered. Sooyoung’s eyes dilated as she saw how neat the little restaurant looked like inside. Very bright in a red, white, & blue scheme, the patriotic colors. We took a seat on the front counter — my favorite place to sit — & without much to my surprise, I saw two awfully familiar people.

“This is a _small_ town.” I mumbled, already feeling a pair of eyes on me. Taking a breath, I leaned against the marble counter. “You know I think it would be better if we get a seat by the window. Wouldn’t it be nice to glance at the onlookers outside?”

“But I like it here,” Sooyoung protested, snaking her arm around my shoulders, “Where everyone can see us.”

“...I—If you say so...” I easily gave in without thinking twice, florid-faced.

“Hi! What would you two ladies like?” The bubbly voice of employee asked, breaking my train of thought. I looked up at him, instantly recalling the employee that gave me free sherbets on the house. I wore a forced smile, thinking what an idiot he was for being so kind, & I knew why. He remembered me too, & smiled back. “Hey, it’s you! You want the usual Sherbet?”

“Yes please, vanilla.” I answered with a nod, “but hold the sprinkles this time.”

“And you, miss?” He turned over to Sooyoung behind the counter with a pen & notepad raised in his hand. The young man’s smile vanished once he noticed her glare. Sooyoung’s sharpened eyes never left his, rising a tension in the air.

“...I’ll have the whatever Cerise recommends.” She said coolly, looking over at me.

“U—um, I’d say the butterscotch sundae with hot fudge & whip cream are the best here.” I replied as matter-of-factually. From the corner of my eye I could see her smile in satisfactory.

“I’ll have exactly what Cerise said then.” Writing it all down, the employee smiled once again at us two before leaving. It was silent for a moment with the music softly playing in the background until Sooyoung leaned against my shoulder. “Men are _such_ an eyesore.” She whispered into my ear lowly. It was a light & lax laugh I let out, hoping I wouldn’t make heads turn. Biting my lower lip, I tried my best to hold in any more laughs. “I need to go to the ladies room, but don’t die without me please.” She said casually, getting up from her seat. With a quick pat on my shoulder, she headed to the restroom.

Letting out a small sigh alone, I palmed my cheek. I wandered my eyes across from where I was, with nothing to advert my attention to; only red seats & a worker cleaning the empty tables one by one. My eyes came to halt when I met with those dark ones from yesterday. I furrowed my brows once I realized he still wore the same shirt from yesterday. He stopped stirring the straw in his milkshake & flashed a grin. _Gross._ In return I forcefully smiled, lifting a hand to raise my middle finger up. I looked beside him, noticing his friend look down at the table with his eyes almost shut, loosely holding a chocolate bar. His skin was olive, the complete opposite of Sehun’s sickly complexion. It’s something that made the two stand out from afar. Jongin was his name, I remember as it was buried in the back of my mind. He has spoke about him a few times, since the two were — and still _are_ — best friends.

Sehun stood up, ripping off a piece of chocolate his friend held. I dropped my hand, realizing what I had done. _Great, now he’s going to bug me & it’s my fault._ Shifting in my seat, I picked up the small menu in my hands, making it seem like I was busy. I slowly moved in the turn-able stool with my feet, sighing as I scanned the outdated list. He took a seat next to me, greeting me with the smell of alcohol. “Want some?” Sehun extended his hand holding a piece of chocolate.

“No thanks,” I said out loud, setting down the menu under my hands. “I see you & your little tricks. Trying to make me breakout.”

“Why would I do that? You’ve got skin like a baby’s ass anyways.” Sehun replied before dropping the piece of chocolate in his mouth. He continued, chewing with his mouth open. “Mustn’t be fun if you can’t even have a piece of fucking chocolate. Tell me Cherry, is it worth being pretty?”

“You’re awfully chatty today.” Ignoring his remark, I tilted my head. I observed his face for a moment, not recognizing him all too well. He seemed more alert of his surroundings with attentive eyes & shoddy body darted straight. It was different from his usual self. “What is it now?”

He gave a quick grin as he shoved his hand into his shirt’s pocket. Amidst all the cigarettes & trash, he finally took something out with his fingers. It was a silver-colored gum wrapper, Speed. “Not to worry, the intravenous injection of hard drugs is still my favorite.” I stared blankly at the neatly folded wrapper; it was tiny, didn’t raise any speculation of being anything but. It made the earlier conversation with Sooyoung replay in my head, like a movie.

Propping his arms on the counter after putting the Speed plain out of sight, he cleared his throat. He took a breath, speaking up. “If you don’t ask, I won’t tell.”

“Tell me then,” I sighed, “What happened between the two?”

“I’ll save you time. They snorted white lines off each other’s bodies & fucked all night. _Very_ meaningful.”

I cringed once my mind starting creating an image of the two doing things. “ _God_....” I muttered, shaking my head. I regretted making him my P.I. last night. And I suddenly remembered what Sooyoung told me about Sehun at the party. Since he was on cloud 9 at the moment, I thought I’d ask. “A little bird told me you’re very popular with the ladies at parties. Is that true?”

“You could say that.” Sehun shrugged, nonchalantly replying. He palmed his cheek, turning to look at me, “They can’t turn me on though, so what’s the point.”

“It’s because of the Heroin & you know it.” I huffed, “Don’t even think about complaining. Instead let’s focus on my accomplishment today & let’s not ruin it.”

“Huh?” Sehun furrowed his brow in confusion.

“Sooyoung asked me to be her model earlier.” I smiled, crossing my arms. “I personally think it was the dress. I knew it’d win her over.”

“I think so too.” Sehun mentioned, lowering his gaze, “Might as well have been naked. That would’ve _guaranteed_ you the spot.”

“The lack of morality never ceases to amaze me.” I muttered, staring at him. “Very gross.”

“What’s gross is this thing,” Sehun pulls up my brassiere strap that hung on my arm, “You don’t even need it, there’s nothing to support.”

“Hey!” I pushed his hand away from my shoulder, flustered by the sudden act. “What happened to your paranoia? Or did you forget about it so quickly?”

“Cherry, it’s summertime.” Sehun groaned, leaning on the counter. “I’ve come to terms I am a nobody, therefore the people not will care. And you could be doing a heroic act by bringing my body back to life!”

“You should probably go back to your friend Jongin now.” I said, ignoring him once again. His mood swings are like a roller coaster when he’s on _that_  & I have no other option than ignore him. In a few hours he’ll forget it all, & go back to being the dreadful, disconnected user he is. “Sooyoung is coming back any minute.”

“Well shit. I’m going, I’m going. Gonna do my next Skag deal anyways.” He stood up quickly, on his old shoes. “Meet me at the corner store later when you’re free from your _girlfriend_. I _do_ get lonely without you, Cherry.” Feeling my face redden from the embarrassment, I turned around to only find him already sauntering over to his friend. Holding my breath, I balled one of my fists on the table.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s going to be summer soon so that means i’ll be able to ud more! i’m excited since this fic is based in the summer ♡ + i may be working on a sehun fic cuz he’s overtaking this one oop


	6. ✧ four ; hazelnut coffee

**[3rd]**

For Cerise it had been a rather uneventful week, as she lazily tried to pass time with best efforts. The teenager spent the last days reading magazines, doing chores, filling the empty spaces where she & Sehun used to talk, & nervously pace around her bedroom with fumbling hands. As she called it, Cerise was only mentally preparing herself for her first ever job, being a study. It was the day when she finally had something in her grasp, something she could control yet was dangerously anxious of it. She told her mother the same day she had gotten the part-time with contract & all. Receiving an earnest hug her mother, she praised her although she also hoped her daughter would get a dose reality. Figuring the girl was still 17, she might as well have a little fun before it ends. Ultimately, her mother put it past her.

The two stood in the middle of the studio, which was upstairs of Sooyoung’s home. Everything was organized neatly, with empty canvases on leaning on the sides & boxes shut on corners, among others. There was a small stool where Cerise stood, & the girl glanced at it quickly.

Sooyoung said, walking over to the brown easel that held a new canvas. “Please sit down while I get ready. It’ll only take a minute.”

The girl eyed Sooyoung for a moment, watching her get a palette with dry paint from a drawer. The woman scavenged through her cup of medium brushes with thought. Cerise snapped out of her daze, & took a look at herself. She usually wore miniskirts & dresses because she enjoyed swaying in them, but to Sooyoung’s request the girl wore a white blouse & flare jeans. Cerise almost felt weird wearing them because it wasn’t her normal fashion choice, but it was a job matter & so, she set her difference aside. 

After getting ready Sooyoung set her materials on the easel, to look ahead at Cerise who wore a clueless face. It reminded Sooyoung of a lost puppy, & her red lips broke into a smile. She walked over to Cerise as she spoke up once again. “Let me just fix one thing....” Adjusting the collar of the blouse, Sooyoung then lowered her hands without saying a word. On Cerise’s chest, she unfastened the two buttons to expose some of the girl’s glimmering skin. “Today is practice, which is why I wanted you to wear this. I’m going to see how well I portray you.” It was the roseate face of the girl that made Sooyoung bite her lip down. “There’s no need to look nervous, nothing will happen that’ll make you feel uncomfortable. You see, the relationship between the artist & study needs to be on the same page. Do you agree?”

In response the girl nodded, curiosity in her eyes.

They finally began, & it went rather smoothly as Cerise had hoped. She imagined what her today would be like last night, visually remembering Sooyoung’s smile & paint all over her clothes like a true artist. The two didn’t speak a word for the first few minutes, as Cerise froze in place; she tried her best not to look strained as she turned her head slightly to the left & held up a hand in a the air like Sooyoung ordered. It was such a simple pose yet she was nervous, overthinking.

With that soothing voice of hers, the woman spoke up. “You’re doing great, as I thought Cerise.” She encouraged, dipping her small brush on the palette with eyes glued onto the canvas. She didn’t need to look up in that moment to know how Cerise was — she could _feel_ it from across the room — & wanted to give her reassurance. “Take a few breaths, don’t think much of it. Trust yourself, like I trust you.”

And so it had been like that for the next hour or so.

Cerise still stood in place as Sooyoung had instructed before. Her legs were parted slightly as she wore a solemn face. Her mind was all over the place, wondering if the artist was liking how she did the pose. Her eyes were planted on the plain walls, remembering about the modeling tips from Seventeen. _Stay calm, be natural......_

Meanwhile, Sooyoung tried to control her content, brushing fine lines on the canvas. “Such a bashful pose. But you have dainty features you know that? Looks like if I touch you you’ll shatter.”

Cerise could feel her hear clench in her chest & wondered secretly, _is that good? Or not?_

“It’s beneficial in a way for me.” Sooyoung added, “You make me figure things out, put me to the test. Something I never really had to deal with before. My past studies usually had mature, hard-looking faces.” She looked up for a quick glance. Then she lowered her voice, continuing. “...I’m almost done nonetheless.”

Cerise tried her best to keep the same facial expressions, although she wanted to jump in joy around the room badly. She was excited about how Sooyoung felt, & was going to take the time later to thank her for giving an opportunity such as this. It mattered tons to the girl — in a world of disappointments & running around to pass time — she had found something that maybe, just maybe, made her feel secure.

୨✩୧

Cerise still stood, now feeling her muscles slightly ache from being in the same position too long. She hasn’t spoken for 2 two hours, but Sooyoung had made her feel comfortable & break the ice throughout. Cerise wondered when was it going to be over; she was anxious about how the art would come out.

“Done.” Sooyoung said amidst the silence, “It’s finished....For the most part. I think we’re done for today.” A small laugh escaped from her mouth after seeing Cerise still in the same position. “....You _can_ shake off the stiff feeling now.”

Cerise sighed, “Finally.” She dropped her arm relived it’s over. She stretched her body with closed hands in the air, groaning. After, she pressed on her thin arm, massaging it from the ache. She looked over at Sooyoung, who fixated on the art before her. Cerise wanted to see how it turned out, so she went beside Sooyoung. She dropped her jaw, fascinated once her eyes had met the freshly painted canvas.

“Do you like it?” Sooyoung asked her, who was speechless for a moment. She turned over at the girl & saw her mouth form an ‘o’ as the color to her cheeks reappeared.

The young girl took careful notice of the intricate details Sooyoung had put in the realistic piece; the artwork portrayed Cerise’s dollish eyes like kaleidoscopes, tiny celestial stars in each one could easily get lost in, while her auburn hair was messily flowing to her shoulders. The lips were coral-colored, teasing the watcher & question if Cerise in the painting was content or not. Her face was complemented with a pink tinge that was delicately placed on her cheeks, making one question even more. There was a hint of desolation in the eyes, but was portrayed with bright serene colors. Everything in the background was without much detail, even colorless, & that is what caught Cerise in more interest. It made her wonder, _how could Sooyoung have done all of it in two hours?_

“I—I love it....” Cerise replied, “I really do.”

“Yeah? I just painted the way you look in my eyes.” Sooyoung said, leaning a little towards Cerise. “Oh, & I didn’t add the pose you did. It was just a test to see if you could handle it. Although, a small part of it was my spontaneous side.”

“H—huh?” Cerise looked up at Sooyoung, puzzled. _She really made me do that for nothing!? Well, the painting came out great...._

“Don’t worry, you proved me right.” She cheered, with a gummy smile. “You’ll be my study for a very long time, that’s for sure.” Pulling Cerise close to her side, she rested her cheek on the girl’s head. “Once museums give me a chance to prove myself like I did back in New York, this will be the first piece I put up. It’s a promise.”

Sooyoung nuzzled onto her, humming words she couldn’t exactly make out.

The two stayed like that for a fleeting moment, before Sooyoung shot herself up. “Ah! There’s something I want to show you! Might as well since you’re here.” Holding the girl’s hand in hers, Sooyoung led the girl to a messy table. She ran her index finger through the spines of books & worn out journals in hopes to find the one she wanted. Her eyes brightened, & she told Cerise to take a seat. Sitting close to the girl, she flipped opened the journal. Cerise caught glimpses of unfinished sketches, flashing back to the orange journal she had first found; they were various body poses, faintly laid messily in the two pages. “These that I did...” Sooyoung stopped at a page with tiny eraser shavings falling, & pointed at a few sketches, “I think you would look even better doing these poses sometime next week. They’re very playful & fun. I’d prefer if you’d wear a summer dress. I would love to do the makeup & style your hair, I have an idea of it.”

“Okay, whenever you set the date.” Cerise nodded, returning a endearing smile to the woman. She tried to not sound too excited hearing the last words. “Could I take a closer look at them?” Sooyoung handed the journal to the timid Cerise with encouragement as she watched her. She was impressed by the work, & knew Sooyoung had a specific vision of what she wanted to do. And she liked that. Cerise softly spoke out, “Your work is so admirable, & I’ve only seen a small portion of it.” Looking up to her side, she asked Sooyoung a question that had been on her mind for a while. “When did you know art was your passion?”

Sooyoung answered it without falter, although slightly caught off guard. “Hm....You could argue since I was seven years old but I really began to take it seriously when I was a teenager, around fourteen. My parents discouraged it, they felt I should be focused on a worthy hobby. I simply ignored them & bought my own art supplies from doing small jobs around the block.” Reminiscing, it brought nostalgia. “Let me tell you, babysitting, walking dogs, & watering lawns isn’t the most ideal jobs but it was worth it.” She smiled, “I’m now twenty-two, & learnt a lot from my struggles. You also need to have connections with other people. I don’t think I would be here without them.”

Cerise froze at that proud smile, knowing it would be ingrained in her heart. She was happy to know things had turned out well for Sooyoung, despite her unsupportive parents. “I guess it goes to show the only one that could stop you from achieving your aspirations is yourself.”

“That’s just it Cerise!” Sooyoung leaned closer to the girl, playfully wrapping an arm around her shoulder to pull her close. Her face was just inches away from Cerise’s, smiling at the girl’s. “Altruistic, angelic, & intuitive,” her voice lowered, “What a _attractive_  combination may I say.” She broke out into laughter seeing the girl advert her gaze in embarrassment, “God, I just want to drown your face in cuddles!”

“.....I—I wouldn’t really....m—mind it....” Cerise mumbled, feeling her cheeks hotter by the second. “...I guess...”

Sooyoung’s eyes lit up by her sudden response. She was surprised Cerise would answer with bold words considering how coy she usually is. But the woman didn’t back down, & replied after a pause, “Are you sure about that?”

Sooyoung took a good look at Cerise’s face to see her lip’s move, before leaning her face on her shoulder. She stayed silent, feeling the beating of her own heart. “You wouldn’t be able to handle it _yet_ , baby Cerise.” She mumbled, closing her eyes.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy pride month ♡ i know this fic may seem boring, but it’s going to get gud soon! :>


	7. ✧ five ; get it straight

**[C]**

This particular day had been going slower than others. I looked forward everyday to spend time with Sooyoung & I had grown to like her even more than I thought I would; and I had left Hyeseong in the shadows for a while. It’s nearly sad how it happened — silent & slow — but in my defense she didn’t put any effort to make time with me. The center of her world had been her boyfriend. It was often difficult to reach her, yet out of spite the girl would turn the tables each time during my persuasion to end it with him.

On this sunny Wednesday a miracle had pulled through, the phone ringed in my room. But something was different about her over the phone. Hyesong was usually chirpy with that warm tone of voice, excitement oozing out of the speakers end. I leaned in my bed playing with the coiled phone cord in two fingers, unable to react at her somber voice. She was relentlessly running my ear, I bit my bottom lip thinking how much color her voice had lost. I tried to lie to myself & say maybe it was because we hadn’t talked in a while, but I couldn’t.

“It was just...Ugh! He pissed me off!..Could you believe he did that?....— Cerise?...Cerise?” Hyeseong’s voice ringed through the phone calling my name, & I slightly jumped up in my seat.

“Yeah?” I asked, inattentive to the conversation.

“You’re not listening to me are you?” She scolded over the line, & I could already see her rolling her eyes.

“Sorry.” I sheepishly said, lowering my hands on my criss-crossed legs. “I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately.” I didn’t need to listen to her to know she was going off about her boyfriend. Their relationship was always rocky from the start, unhealthy & I’m sure he’s cheated on her with countless of other people. Yet as she would like to fire back at me, ‘It’s not your place to butt in. He loves me! He truly does!’ So I sit back with a shut mouth, silently judging the pair.

“Really? Cerise has had fun without me?” Hyeseong derided, “Like what?”

“I think it would be better if I tell you in person.” I replied, “I have something important to tell you, & as best friends it should only be done so.”

There was pause over the line for a moment, & I was afraid she’d decline like the last times. A part of me didn’t want to hear her say ‘maybe another time’, but surprisingly she said to meet up. Maybe there still is hope for our friendship, something was still holding onto the seams.

A smile appeared on my face & vanished just as quick when she spoke about meeting up at the ice cream parlor. I gripped onto the phone, “Aw come on! We always go there.”

“Fine, how about the park then?” She suggested nonchalantly. I agreed, figuring it would be better than going to the same parlor. Yeah free ice-cream was fun, but today I wanted to go someplace different. The parlor had steadily become a place where the old men give creepy stares while the junkies try to find a dealer, & the women get picked up by some kind random stranger. Not to mention the place was packed during the summer, making it was pretty hard to get an empty seat.

Hyeseong agreed to meet up at the park, bidding a haste goodbye before cutting off the line.

I quickly took out the pink rollers in my hair & dressed into my yellow sundress. I sat on the corner of the bed, slipping on my sandals in hopes I would get to the park first. There was always this unspoken game we had about things like this, it was all for pure enjoyment. The loser of course would get a teasing, but that’s all; while the winner felt proud about.... _winning_.

After checking in the mirror to decide if I looked presentable, I raced downstairs to find my mom sitting down in the living room. She was reading some sort of magazine with those tired eyes, flipping the pages carefully. “Mom! I’m going with Hyeseong to the park.”

“Okay honey, just stay out of trouble.” She smiled, looking up at me. I smiled back & yelled a goodbye before running out the door.

It was a hassle running in sandals especially during the summer heat when the sun drops down, but it didn’t matter to me. I liked feeling the wind hit my face, the hem of my dress lift to my thighs, & most of all feeling alive when I ran through the streets. Catching sounds of the town in it’s own little worlds with loud radios & yelling children, it made me realize this was the golden state in all of it’s repute. And I never wanted it to change.

When I reached the park, I leaned forward with hands on my knees as I took deep breaths. There were people scattered everywhere; all over the playground & sitting on the grass. I straightened my back, as I pushed my hair away from my face. Scanning the area, I tried to find Hyeseong, but she wasn’t here yet. I did have an advantage, she lived a little farther — only a few blocks from me. After deciding I had gotten here first, I hurriedly walked to a tree near the playground with running children. I pulled the hem of my skirt down as I sat down on the grass. I leaned on the tree, closing my eyes to feel the wind hit me.

Despite the loud yelling of the children playing tag & murmurs of adults in their gossips, I let myself sit in the moment.

୨✩୧

Hyeseong’s eyes gleamed when I told her about my job. Even more, she lifted a brow in bewilderment once I told her I was the study for the next door neighbor.

“Cerise, I can’t believe you got a job.....” she turned to me with a smile on her face, “And as a model! You do have the face & body for it.” Nudging my shoulder, I grinned back. I’m glad she was happy for me, it was something that I’ve been meaning to tell her but couldn’t find the time. Over the phone wasn’t an option since she was the closest friend I’ve ever had, I wanted it to be meaningful.

“Thanks. It’s been really great so far.” I said, playing with my hands on my lap. Looking over at her, I saw her jaded face masked with a smile. It hurt to see her having to clean her runny nose every three minutes. From afar without looking too much into it, she seemed the same; tired due to the lack of sleep but I knew better. She wore her usual cute outfit & witty smile but something was off. I couldn’t put my finger on it. “...Sooyoung helped me feel comfortable with the whole thing. She’s really talented & sweet.”

“Sooyoung......Really?” Hyeseong narrowed her eyes with a smirk on her lips. “What _exactly_ do you mean by talented & sweet?” I looked over at her to see wiggling brows, smile growing wider.

With my elbow I pushed her side after feeling the heat creep onto my face. “...S—shut up! Don’t say it like that.”

“Why? It would all make sense.” Hyesong teased, “You’ve never had a crush on a guy, now that I realize....”

“The male population are a bunch of extroverted, obnoxious, pseudo-bohemian losers. Why would I have a crush — much more, settle for that?”

“So you’re proving my point.” Patting my shoulder, she paused before continuing. “I always knew something was wrong with you. You’ve always turned down any guy at school.....And Sehun for fucks sake! The boys I could understand I guess, but Sehun? You spend more time with him than anybody yet you two haven’t fucked? It’s _sickening_. My head hurts thinking about it, if I were you... _boy_.....Don’t tell Chanyeol I said that but....”

I furrowed my brows at the unbelievable ignorance, to find Hyeseong smiling like the devil. She turned red & the horns planted on her head looked tailored for her. If something more came out of her mouth, she’d burst in flames. Without a doubt, she just couldn’t refrain. “...You completely ignored what I said Hyeseong.” I muttered, “Ignorance is bliss.” I adverted my gaze with a sour taste in my mouth. “And stop bringing _him_ into everything. He’s annoyingly blunt.”

“Well that’s all you wanted to tell me?” Her voice was filled with amusement at my abash face, “....Your body count is zero, stop being such a child. Live a little! We’re best friends aren’t we? How about we go somewhere fun, like a club later? I can get us in.”

My face grew puzzled, unsure what she meant by that. The horns on her head grew the more she spoke & her head got bigger with that underlying devious tone, one I wasn’t familiar with. “Since you are idling I’ll tell you that I don’t need a job. My boyfriend buys me _everything_ I want.”

“Yeah,” I rebutted, “Must be proud to have a boyfriend that gets his money from managing an ice cream parlor during the day...” _But, get this, deals with drugs at night._

“You’ve got to make a living one way or another.” I felt her hand push my shoulder. I stuck my tongue out as I mocked her usual flirtatious behavior. “Whatever, it’s getting boring with you so I’m leaving! Chanyeol is probably calling me.”

“L—look,” I pulled her arm as she was standing up. I didn’t want her to leave, we haven’t had a decent talk in a while. And it was frustrating me in ways I didn’t know it could. “You’d be my friend until the end, just get one thing straight. You’re not gonna go anywhere until you find something better to say.”

“Alright then.” She pulled her arm away harshly & put her hands on her hips. The vermillion tail wiggled out of her back as she leaned over, towering me. I gulped as I brought my knees up to my chest to feel as if she was unbeknownst. Tapping her foot on the grass, Hyeseong puckered her lips. “I think you should try dick to cure you, nobody likes a lezzy. I’m sure Sehun would be more than happy to volunteer, & I hear he’s packed a monster under there.” She scoffed before rubbing her runny nose with her fingers.

_L—lezzy...?!?_

My heart stopped as I saw Hyeseong‘s back face me. There weren’t things to say, just the feeling of complete disconnection with the person walking away. We used to like poking at each other, but this time it was undeniably different. It didn’t feel like before. She was acting moody & strident, crushing the best friendship we used to have with sharp words.

I grimaced, digging my florid face into my knees. My heart was feeling heavy.

୨✩୧

I dusted my dress, standing up from the grass. I let out a small laugh as I checked my watch, realizing one hour had gone by quicker than lighting. Although, it didn’t take much to drown myself in my own thoughts & feel lonesome; blaming myself for things I had no control over.

I sighed as I began to walk home with an overwhelming feeling of disdain over my shoulders. I tried to push it aside, lifting my head up as I sauntered away from the noisy playground. I took leisurely steps to cover my mind in other things — things that made me happy. _Let’s see, things that make me happy....Umm, cats, puppies, cupcakes, flowers,....French toast...._

I soon found myself talking with that little voice in my head. It was embarrassing to admit, but it’s one way to help me. It brought a faint smile to my face, allowing me to forget about unnerving problems. I crossed the streets distracted with myself, until I reached my block. The first thing I saw was Sooyoung, & that was enough to make me stop in my tracks.

The butterflies awoke in my stomach from their slumber, rattling as if trying to find a way out. My lips quivered at the sight of her wearing a black formal suit, attire I would’ve least expected her wearing. In my mind I couldn’t help but think of how mature she looked, topped with a ponytail. I watched her sling a brown bag over her shoulder, calmly as can be.

She turned to me, eyes smiling at my unexpected stare. A grin formed on her red lips, spreading as she waved at me. “Cerise!! Hi!” Without thinking, my feet walked on their own towards her.

I widened my eyes as I was greeted by a tight, blush-inducing hug. Sooyoung pressed her cheek onto my head like before, mumbling words of endearment with arms wrapped around me. My heart beat was quicker, thumping against my chest. She didn’t want to let go, enveloping my body in a warm feeling. I closed my eyes tightly, feeling vulnerable all over again. “Aah, seeing your face makes me so happy, especially after a morning like this!”

It was hard to respond, feeling my pounding heart stuck in my throat. _Sooyoung is one of the few things that make me happy...._

Breaking away from me slowly she leaned towards my face, worry in her eyes. Sooyoung furrowed her eyebrows, & asked softly, “Hm? Why is my angel looking so sad?”

I felt my face heat up, adverting my gaze. “....It’s n—nothing, really....”

“I know a lie when I hear it.” Sooyoung tilted my face in her hand carefully, observing my sudden red complexion. “...Maybe I know something that’ll cheer you up.” She took a step back, leaning onto her little Mercury.

I gave her a puzzled look as she fixed her dark blazer, suggesting I take a guess. I could only come up with random absurdities resulting in her laughter.

“Good guesses,” she smiled, “But not close enough!” She took a breath before putting her hands on my shoulders & took a good look at my eyes. I shifted in my shoes nervously, catching the passion burning in her eyes. “Earlier today I had a meeting with an art gala team across town. After seeing some of my work & persistency, they agreed to let me showcase my paintings!”

“T—that’s amazing!”

“Isn’t it?” Sooyoung gleamed, “Oh! I’m so excited, angel! Where do I even begin!!” I let out a small laugh, watching her unable to contain her happiness. The way her eyes shimmered in the sun, you could almost see the multitude of stars & moons they contained. It was an amazing sight, being able to feel the intensity of her vibrations; something I wish I could emit.

She spun me around, facing the yard of her house. Putting an arm around me, she continued, taking slow steps. I felt a gentle push, getting closer to her side. “You & I will have to work harder than anything. Won’t we?”

***


	8. ✧ six ; compass

**[C]**

“How is it?” Sooyoung proudly asked, handing the mirror to me. I had my eyes closed shut as she ordered, anxious to see how I’d turn out. I didn’t usually get my hair & makeup done, especially by an artistic neighbor. “Open your eyes!” She encouraged, her hands on both of my shoulders.

And I did so, hesitant in the beginning. But I didn’t regret it. Sooyoung had turned my naïve face into a mature but boldly youthful one with the power of makeup. My eyes gazed at my lips first, colored by a coral you couldn’t miss. My mascara-covered lashes curled while my eyelids were shimmering a rosy pink, making me blush under the real blush on my cheeks. I smiled smiled at myself in the mirror, tilting & turning my head to get a good look at myself making sure this wasn’t a dream. I’ll admit, I did like the way I appeared but it all felt too surreal.

“Is it good?” Sooyoung asked as she stood behind me, “It really compliments the inverted flip & little curl at the tips of your hair. Simple but cute hairstyle.” Leaning, she let her face sit on my left shoulder, looking at me in the mirror. “Tell me if it’s good.”

“I—It’s beyond good! Thank you, Sooyoung.” I nodded aggressively, nervous I’d fall to pieces if I met eyes with hers. “It seems like you’ve had a lot of experience with makeup.”

“When I was younger it became a habit to steal my mother’s makeup & play with it.” She tried to hold in her laughter at the memory, “It’s honestly the way I began to learn, although I was horrible at it. Didn’t stop me though.”

“I’m glad.” I replied, “Because it’s done amazingly.“ I gave a shy smile at her through the mirror, to which I widened my eyes feeling Sooyoung wrap her arms around my shoulders. My heart tried jumping up my throat, skittishly cursing internally.

“Aaahhh!!!” She let out as she tightened her grip on me, “You’re going to make me tear up!! Stop being so cute baby Cerise!”

“.....O—okay...” I mumbled, trying to keep my composure at the touch of her warm arms. I put the mirror down on the table, trying to keep the feeling of her with me.

Sooyoung went to my side after a moment, & extended her hands to help me stand up.

Today she wanted to do something special, in order for the upcoming art gala. Not only did she want to impress those who will be there, but herself as well. ‘I like a challenge’ her words resonated in my mind. Instead being the model in the studio upstairs, she said today we’ll visit a place that looks like it came out of a dream. That’s the reason why I got prettied up, dressed in a short floral summer dress & white platforms. I turned my face up, eyeing her cheeks flushed again like before.

“Shall we go, angel?” Sooyoung winked, catching my stare. “I can’t wait to see how this piece will turn out!” She pushed her wavy hair back with her hands, revealing gold hoops. She wore a red velour robed dress that reached her knees, with wide elbow-length sleeves for the summer heat. What complimented her overall look was the white seams, I couldn’t take my eyes off her even if I tried. Again, dazed off by how she effortlessly pulled off anything & still looked so attractive.

She drove us in her little 61’ Mercury Comet, with the windows all the way down. I let the hot wind hit me as I stuck out my face, feeling embarrassed at the thought that this trip was just the two of us, alone. I wondered what place was Sooyoung taking us, unknowing of how far it was away from home. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye, too shy to turn my head completely. She played the radio, & soon the air between us was filled with blues tunes sung by a jazz singer. I closed my eyes, going back to the same position to enjoy the sound of the music intermingled with the roads & rustling of trees we passed by.

“Do you listen to Billie Holiday?”

I opened my eyes upon hearing Sooyoung’s voice, & turned to her. Her eyes never left the road, concentrated. She moved her red lips to the lyrics of the song, tapping nails onto the wheel. “When she’s on the radio, definitely. Got a great voice, makes me melancholic for no reason.”

“Yeah, her voice could commend you like that.” Sooyoung replied, with a half-smile. “Not everyday a bright star like her is born. It’s sad she had to go so soon.”

If I remembered clearly, she passed away in the late fifties because she couldn’t battle drug withdrawals & heart problems. My mind suddenly drifted to Sehun, thinking he would end up like that too if he didn’t stop injecting that poison into his system. I could imagine what he was doing right now in this moment; hunched over the parlor counter with sleeves rolled up from his favorite shirt, scratching & picking at his skin.... _Ugh, I’m getting sick by thinking about it!_ “Sooyoung, let’s talk about happier things!” I whined, leaning against the car seat trying to get that image out of my mind.

“Okay,” she lowered the music in the radio slightly, worried over my reaction. She thought about what to say for a moment, before speaking up. “How about we talk about us then?”

“Us?” I asked, unsure of what she meant by that.

“Do you have someone you like?” Sooyoung quickly gave me a teasing glance before puckering her lips. I watched her furrow her brows, suddenly acting demure. It wasn’t much like her, but I knew she probably had planned it to go this way. She’s too smart to be embarrassed, or anything similar. “Well, do you?”

“....M—maybe...” I mumbled a response, playing with my hands on my lap. “And you?”

Sooyoung let out a small scoff, before grinning. “I’d have to say a maybe as well, Cerise.”

She was an expertise at keeping people on edge, I had this gut feeling on it. She kept you curious, pulled in long enough until you’re unable to turn back.

୨✩୧

We both stood before the white opened gates, staring at the lush & colorful shades of green around a huge, old-looking mansion as if it came straight out of the Victorian era. I still didn’t know what this place was, but I didn’t want to sounds clueless & ask. Sooyoung was smiling straight ahead with one hand on her arm to secure her leather satchel bag. Being who-knows-how-many miles from home, all I knew was that the air was much cooler in this place, & the sun was being gentle on our skin.

“Still haven’t figured it out yet?” Sooyoung turned to me. In response I shook my head, cracking a sheepish smile. She let out a heartfelt laugh before taking my hand in her’s. “It’s a private botanical garden! Looks gorgeous, doesn’t it?”

“A botanical garden?!” It felt strange, I haven’t been some place new in a while. “I’ve never been to one before.”

“There’s always a first time for everything, Cerise.” She came closer to my side resulting in the not-so distant feelings of nervousness climb up my legs. “My friend owns this place. I called her & she said we could come here, even stay all day if we’d like!”

Before I could say anything in response, she began to walk with our hands intwined & I followed. We walked up the beige steps until we reached the wooden mahogany door. Sooyoung pushed the little intercom beside the door, answered by a soft voice. I soon found out it was the person who owned the place, a close friend of Sooyoung’s since her adolescent years. We were welcomed by the woman herself, & she looked like royalty up-close. For a while we stayed with her because Sooyoung wanted to ‘catch up.’

Turns out her name was Lee Soonkyu. This place was given to her by her father after he couldn’t keep up with foreign affairs while trying to keep this place in shape. The inside looked exactly how imagined; the walls were eloquent Victorian style, & everything from within was real antique. Even the posh couch we sat on, making me uneasy. I didn’t want to touch anything, afraid it’d break. There was few staff guarding every corner of the place reminding me of how secret service would be like. Soonkyu had to excuse them from the living room to hold a conversation with us. _This must’ve been a important place, if it must be under surveillance at all times...._

I eyed the two, who shared laughs & cheers as they drank white wine. They were holding a conversation about things I didn’t know about, like reminiscing their pasts I wasn’t in. I felt out of place. _I don't belong here._ I looked down at my lap to see the nearly full glass of orange juice. I huffed, looking up to see Sooyoung smile at Soonkyu. I bit my bottom lip, wanting to know what she was thinking about in this moment. I had this anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach, realizing I felt a little more than jealous. _She seems to like her...of course, they’re old-time friends...._

“...And then I met my angel Cerise!” Sooyoung swung her arm around mine, scooting closer to me. “She’s by far one of my models that has brung out my heart instantly! She’s the cutest. That’s when I realized,” Taking a large sip from her glass, she chugged the remaining wine before setting it on the wooden coffee table. “That the rest is rust & stardust.”

“You have changed from the last time I’ve seen you,” Soonkyu commented, giving me a smile, “I did think Cerise had something to do with it.”

After a little while, the woman led us towards the exit of the huge mansion. I looked up to see the spiral of stairs in awe. Soonkyu suggested we come again another time to look around more inside the premises. Sooyoung agreed, giving me sneaky grin as she raised a folded map. I weakly smiled back, feeling guilt stir inside myself. _I never really get jealous about much, so why did I back there?_

Opening the back doors of the mansion, my jaw dropped as soon as I saw the vast green area with concrete trail tracks around. There was a enormous willow tree planted in the middle of it all with white benches in each of it’s sides. “Knock yourselves out.” Soonkyu gleamed, “You could get lost easily but as long as you follow the map, it shouldn’t be too difficult. There’s staff walking all over the place so if you get lost, feel free to ask them for help.”

“Thanks, Soonkyu!” Sooyoung waved at the lady, before turning around. She took my hand once again in her’s, sauntering on the steps.

I didn’t speak as I observed how many little people there were. _It seems too beautiful to be kept exclusively._

“Cerise.” I looked up at her, snapping out of my thoughts. She tightened her grip on my hand with a reassuring smile. “I like _you_ the best.”

୨✩୧

I stood in the rose garden for almost an hour doing a specific pose Sooyoung showed me before in her sketchbook. She gave me little encouraging compliments like she always did when she saw me having a bit of trouble with myself. She sat down on the grass before me, leaning against a tree with her open satchel beside her. Sooyoung’s art supplies was scattered all over the place, yet she continuously gave all her focus on the small canvas in her hands. Her thighs were her easel, & she didn’t seem bothered by the fact that her dress would get dirty. I kept on the same pose for another few minutes until she was done. I’ll admit it was embarrassing to pose in such a strange way in especially in front of strangers passing by.

We stood next to each other as I shifted anxiously in my shoes. I stared at the beautiful creation in her hands, terribly wanting to know what was her secret. _How could she paint a divine version of me when I didn’t look anything near that in real life?_ I was convinced this woman was from another world. I was sure of it, no doubt. “What do you think of it?” Sooyoung asked.

I watched the way her eyes lit up like a street sign, waiting for my approval. I tilted my head after thinking about it. “...Your amazing skills, they’ve painted me as some mysterious alluring creature — which _I_ am not. Almost makes me want to take a second look at myself, because I’m far from that.”

“And why would you think of yourself like that?” Sooyoung frowned, “It seems you have forgotten something.” She set the painted canvas down, & gave me a keen look. My smile disappeared as I took several steps back in my platforms. I let a nervous laugh escape my mouth, remembering the last time she gave me those eyes that were a darker shade from before. I clumsily bumped my back onto the old tree, flinching. Lifting both of her hands to press them onto the tree, she kept me entrapped from every side. My eyes glanced up, afraid I made Sooyoung upset. “Don’t go around thinking I call just anyone ‘angel’. I say it because I mean it, _only_ to you. Although I usually paint what I see, I know there’s more to you & it’s beautiful than I could ever put on canvas.” Her eyes softened, pained at hearing my words. Bringing her hand over my cheek, she sighed heavily. “I _wish_ you could see the way I see you, Cerise.” I shut my eyes, a familiar shiver creeping up my spine.

Her face neared mine, & I could feel her lips brushing up against the corners of my open mouth. “....P...people...can s—see us...” I breathed out, too embarrassed to say anything more. I felt my body turned frail at her touch.

She hummed over my skin, “Mhm, doesn’t it turn you on a little bit?” There was sharp silence, quickly fading as she planted a peck on the corner of my lips. My eyes fluttered open, to find Sooyoung picking up her supplies on the grass. I dropped my jaw, unable to react at what just happened. “I won’t kiss you properly until you can look me in the eye. Until then,” Sooyoung grinned like a child as she raised up the acrylic paint bottles, “Let’s get to know each other in _all_ kinds of ways.” I went to her, trying to keep my remaining composure. I quietly helped pick up her art supplies, hearing the woman laugh at my bashful, beet-red face.

Before leaving, Sooyoung decided to take some photos of me in the rose garden. She showed me her camera she recently bought in hopes it’d convince me. It was one of the recent ones, the Kodak Pocket Instamatic. I’ve seen the advertisements for it on magazines, since then I wanted to see one up close. I was hesitant at first. I explained I wasn’t really good with coming up with poses off the top of my head. But, she puckered her lips giving me sad eyes. I gave in after a minute of her trying to guilt me into it. This was the right time for remembering modeling tips in the teen magazines I had read before, after all. And on our way back home, we made a stop to treat our hard work with tasty pepperoni pizza, Mr. Pibb soda, & small talk.

On the drive home, I had the window down to admire the streets of this place. It looked like the rich version of our neighborhood; the people here had nicer homes & cars, but I realized that didn’t matter much. It seemed like small eternity until we reached home. The first thing I did when Sooyoung stopped the car in front of her house is jump out of the car.

“Where to so quickly, angel?” She leaned on her side to see me through the lowered window.

I leaned against the car door, as I tried to come up with something off the top of my head. “I told my best friend I’d hang out with her today at the parlor.”

“Hmm, who is this best friend you speak of?” She lifted up a brow, wondering.

 _Shoot._ I realized out of all the time I spent with Sooyoung lately, I don’t think I’ve mentioned Hyeseong before. Maybe I did once, I don’t exactly recall. “Her name is Hyeseong, & we’ve been friends for 3 years. I’ll have to introduce you to her sometime.”

“You should’ve told me, I could have dropped you off there.” She remarked.

I shrugged it off, shaking my head. “I like to walk or go on my bicycle, it’s fine really. I feel like walking there today.” I smiled, “But thanks for the offer! I have to go now, goodbye Sooyoung! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

I heard her yell a ‘bye’ as I ran cautiously on the street. Running in platforms on a summer day perhaps isn’t the best idea, but what could I do? The ice cream parlor wasn’t too far from here anyways, a little running wouldn’t hurt.

“Sehun! Sehun!!” I shouted as I ran from the crosswalk. He was outside the little shop, sitting on one of the colorful bollards as he bent forward. “Hello?! I have something important to tell you!” I continued, running closer. It didn’t take me long to realize he was too busy lighting the cigarette in between his lips to even look up at me. I stopped, seeing the bloody knuckle he raised beside him covering the lighter. Closing the distance between us, I slowly stepped in front of him with arms crossed over my chest & a worried glare.

Dropping the lighter in his shirt’s pocket, Sehun stared at my tapping foot on the ground. He breathed in the cigarette into his busted mouth silently. We shared silence until he gave in, trailing his tired eyes up my figure. Only until his his widened eyes met mine he let the smoke hit my face, lowering his hand with the cigarette. “....What happened to you?”

“You first.” I demanded as I moved the smoke away from me, “What happened to _you_?”

“A fight,” he shrugged, “With a dipshit who tried to sell me short for his high.” Standing up from the bollard, he half-smiled. “It’s no big deal, I’ve dealt with these types of fuckers before.” He suddenly leaned forward, removing some of my lipstick with his thumb. “What’s more concerning is this _shit_ on your face. I bet it was your friend’s doing. Kids these days get stranger & stranger....”

I lifted a brow, uncertain how to react to this sudden turning of the tables. Sehun was acting unusual, again — for the millionth time. I observed his face, feeling something was different. I couldn’t put my finger on it, despite my thoughts. “What’s my name?” I asked, cutting him off of his out loud thinking.

He looked down at me, confused. “Cerise, I’m _not_ high right now.” After a pause, he continued. “I will be after this ‘cause, fuck, the craving is coming back. Don’t worry, I’ll make _sure_ to think of you.”

Hitting his arm lightly with one of my fists, I rolled my eyes. _Of course! He’s the same peculiar, tired guy who dreams away his life—_

“Let’s talk over here, the alleys bring me comfort. Reminds me home.” Nonchalantly putting his arm over my shoulder, Sehun turned me along with his body to the left. “...What do you want to talk about?”

***


	9. ✧ seven ; greetings from califournia

**[3rd]**

It was a silent fight for Sehun to keep his jaded eyes on the road after another sleepless night. He had gotten used to the fact that he will always be exhausted before two in the afternoon, it was in his nature. The irascible man wasn’t sure when he began this hectic disarray of insomnia but he was now to suffer with it. After trying to calm it with different barbiturate pills & sedatives he realized he couldn’t keep on taking them, they interfered with his daily vice.

Tightening his grip on the wheel, Sehun craned his neck with a wince, suddenly feeling some sort of twinge crawl up his skin. He kept on shaking it off roughly by shifting in his seat in an attempt to make it go away. Sighing heavily, he muttered profanities under his breath unable to suppress his vexation. He was sick of the people who make the decisions.

It was a far drive to Baekhyun’s, considering he had the money to buy a luxurious abode across town. A personal trait of his was boasting about how wealthy he was to no one that cared. Baekhyun also liked to hither & thither; silently messing those he came across, twisting their lives for what seemed like the best, but instead for the worst. A group of eight people were his confidants, Sehun being one of them. In return for helping Baekhyun they would be paid with loads of cash, have countless connections, & most importantly, all the drugs they needed. Unfortunately to their delirium, the trusted ringleader was counting down the days when they turned to nothing other than throwaways, as he drank a glassful of cognac.

Pushing the keys into his pocket, Sehun stood tall behind his new car. It felt slow & prolonged the way the scorching sun dropped down on him. Sweltering under his clothes, he turned his face left glancing the large closed gates of Baekhyun’s home pondering several things. Sehun disliked summer every time it came around California, the calenture weather was too dramatic for him & simultaneously made everyone crazier than usual. _One thing I do know for sure,_ he thought, _I know once you come to California you won't ever look back. Just a little bit can make you wonder how you got it in._ In a attempt to avoid being fried under the sun, he hurriedly crossed the concrete walkway to knock on the white door. Finally standing under shade, Sehun grimaced realizing his skin felt damper than a kitchen cloth. He knocked again on the door, this time harshly without receiving an answer.

“I know you’re behind this door, dipshit. I can see your car from here.” Sehun grumbled, crossing his arms as he heard loud laughs from the other side. He knew whose laughter that belonged to, & couldn’t control his irate reaction. “Chanyeol, open the _damn_ door.” Looking down at the knob, he saw it slowly turning & without hesitation he brutishly took his shot. Messily as can be, Sehun was pleasantly greeted by the cold air of the large house. He groaned in relief, letting his pores take it all in as he stood in place.

“Why are you late?” A hint of amusement was in Chanyeol’s tone. “Maybe it was a frilly dress-wearing doll who goes by Cerise? I understand, I’d be late too.”

Turning around he met those malicious eyes of Chanyeol’s, & it was enough to tick Sehun off. He wore a sleazy smile & crossed his arms, leaning against the door.

“Don’t you have a tiny girlfriend to fuck or cheat on?” Sehun seethed through the smile plastered on his face.

“Which one?” The man replied returning the smile, pushing his shoulder against Sehun’s as he passed by.

It was enough to make Sehun roll his eyes & let it go, realizing he was getting nowhere. It was always the same chore: walking around, disagreeing & pushing each other’s buttons regardless the hour. _Having a job is too tiresome._ Without rush, he scanned the room from where he was to notice the sofas empty. Usually during this time Sehun would witness seven people yelling over one another about the most redundant things ever, resulting him question his own association with them in general. “Where’s everyone?”

“Upstairs.” Chanyeol answered as he took a bite of the apple had in his hand, leaning against the kitchen sink. “Some of them couldn’t make it since Baekhyun gave them other things to do.” Heading over to the spiral of stairs that led up, he casually shrugged his shoulders before joining the others.

_Strange,_ Sehun thought, _Baekhyun doesn’t usually do that._ Instead of following Chanyeol upstairs, he slowly walked to the kitchen to set his eyes on a brown basket. It was a signature Baekhyun thing to mix cherries with strawberries together, leaving them beside a glass fruit bowl. It made the capricious man seem welcoming to anyone he brought in, but he knew better. Still, Sehun picked a bright red strawberry from the basket without thinking much of it. Biting off the fresh tip, he shut his eyes feeling his sweet tooth react to the glacé fruit. It was almost a quick pinch inside his mouth, yet he took another bite. And another.

Calmly taking his time he went through six strawberries before hearing his name being yelled from upstairs, along with the words ‘hurry the fuck up!’ Trying his best to not roll his eyes to the back of his head, he dropped the green remains of the last strawberry in the sink. Quickly washing his hands, he began to walk with dread at the nuisance these people brought. By this point he should’ve been used to it, but never could. The shirt he wore was black, printed with white Hibiscuses & pineapples all over, & Sehun wiped his hands dry with the hem of it going up the stairs.

The first thing his eyes caught was Chanyeol fighting Yixing by throwing the apple he had in his mouth, & shook his head. Sehun passed the nearly-unconscious Jongin beside the coffee table to sit across from him in the armchair. It would have concerned him but he saw faint powder on the other’s shirt, deciding let him live his own rush. “Tell me why you hurried me up here?” Sehun asked Chanyeol, “I don’t see Baekhyun anywhere.”

“He’s talking to Kyungsoo about technical shit. Hang tight you big baby.” Chanyeol bantered, hastily sticking out his tongue at the younger as he tried to free himself from Yixing’s headlock.

_Me? A big baby?_ Sehun derided in his thoughts, _you don’t see me playing like a fool._ He scoffed in return, propping his right elbow on the leather arm of the chair to rest his cheek on his palm. His dark eyes casted with languor onto the coffee table, trying to fill his mind with anything to kill the boredom he was made to experience.

A hypodermic needle, soiled spoon, a cup, & a lighter was scattered on Jongin’s side, enough to taunt Sehun as soon as he laid eyes on it. His lips felt dry at the thoughts running through his mind as he got goosebumps, & hopelessly shifted his gaze onto the mustard-colored vase in the middle of the coffee table. The vibrant flowers springing out of the vase reminded him of Cerise’s dress from yesterday. Sehun distinctively remembered the way her eager voice sounded, & knew she wore a smile on her face before reaching him.

_“.....She what?” Sehun raised a brow as he leaned a little closer to hear Cerise’s voice. It was unusual for him to hear her voice suddenly get so tiny, & the language of her adverted eyes only made him question further. He saw how she cautiously adjusted in her platforms, & calmly gave her the chance to speak louder._

_Darting her eyes from the passersby to the place they both stood she hesitated, parting her lips slowly. “....Before I say it, promise me you won’t tell anyone.”_

_Cerise’s eyes were filled with a shy look & as tempting as it looked to pick on her, Sehun held back biting his tongue. He gave in with a sigh. “Okay, I promise.” And now, he was the one hesitating as the girl lifted up her hand to stick her pinky out. She waited for Sehun to do the same. Whatever, he thought while trying to not let his waspish behavior get the best of him. Sehun brought his pinky finger up to get it over with. His tongue played with the cigarette foot in his mouth, feeling Cerise’s finger wrap around his._

_She explained to the older what had happened earlier, closing the space between them with a few steps. He observed the way she turned florid when explaining what Sooyoung had done, dragging a hand up her chest. It was one of those rare moments when he could momentarily feel his pulse beating upon hearing the words ‘And then she kissed me. I thought Sooyoung was going to consume my soul instead, I felt it leave my body or something...I’m not sure, I couldn’t think. I was surprised.’_

_Sehun kept on prying about the kiss dissecting it piece by piece, unaware why he cared so much. It rattled him knowing that was Sooyoung’s intention from the start, but he attempted to forget long enough. That bitch is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, he thought, I know it....I just know it..... “I don’t mean to wind you up but that isn’t a kiss, technically speaking.” He replied with a sour taste in his mouth. Taking the cigarette away from his lips, Sehun gave Cerise a lesson on the ‘kiss 101’ course as he leaned against the alley wall. It didn’t take him much to realize — four minutes in — he was trying to explain the nonexistent complexity of a kiss to a teenager who seemed to slowly turn from nervous to indignant, & realize how desperate he sounded trying to prove it wasn’t an ‘actual kiss’._

_“If everything you say is true, then why would I disagree?” Cerise puffed, now feeling upset. She crossed her arms over her chest, unable to believe she confessed a surreal moment in her life to Sehun but he tried to invalidate it. Sadly, she had no one else to tell it to. She gripped onto the hem of her dress, “Just what is your problem?” Cerise scrunched up her face, grumbling hearing the same justification come out of his mouth, ‘Because you’re too young for that.’ She furrowed her brows under his gaze without saying a word._

_Ultimately deciding he went a little too far, Sehun tried to come from a different approach. “....None of that really matters if you think about it since what happened, happened.” He shrugged letting out a sigh. “Well,....” he paused, “Did you like it? Or what’s the deal.”_

_“I—I don’t know.” She coyly replied, dropping the front she put up._

_“What do you mean you ‘don’t know’?”_

_She hesitated again, unsure of how to say it. Cerise felt little with the way Sehun was looking at her. In reality she was unsure but all she knew is she did like Sooyoung among the blurred lines. “....Isn’t it weird? I mean, she’s a girl, &....—”_

_“Not weird at all.” Sehun reassured her in the simplest words. “It’s pretty normal, like anything else. For the record, don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.”_

_All it took was for Sehun to say those words, reminding Cerise he wasn’t such a dummy as she tend to perceive him as. In all honesty, he‘s the only one she could truly rely on without feeling scared; being able to pour herself out, Sehun would give advice or just listen at times, & that would suffice. The girl was secretly grateful for that. “I guess you’re right Sehun.” She sheepishly grinned, raising up her hand to scratch the back of her head like a timid child._

_And there it was again, seeing her smile made him feel his beating pulse._

  
Bringing his mind back into the now, Sehun turned his eyes away from the flowers to Chanyeol & Yixing. They kept on calling his name, seeing he was thinking about something intensely. “What?” Be asked, in his voice it was transparent he was mentally preoccupied.

“What’s up with you?” Yixing lifted up a brow to examine the man.

“He was probably thinking about Cerise.” Chanyeol teased, nudging the man beside him to get the idea.

“Who’s Cerise?” The infamous & kempt Baekhyun walked in as he put his hands on his hips. With a grin on his face, he landed his eyes on Sehun, who adjusted in his seat uncomfortably.

“The one he mumbles about in his sleep & can’t stop thinking about. Sehun doesn’t want to admit his feelings for her though, what an idiot.” Chanyeol answered matter-of-factly.

“There’s no feelings to admit.” Sehun cooly interjected.

“Then why would you spend so much time with her, huh? That’s code for ‘you want to nail her’ & qui—”

“Don’t _fucking_ say that Chanyeol.” Sehun crossed his arms, a crease forming on is forehead. “She’s just a kid. It’s gross....”

“Exhibit A,” Chanyeol smiled towards Baekhyun whom observed the two, “He’s adopted her vocabulary. Only shit like that happens when you spend a lot of time with someone.“

“Didn’t know she claimed words now.” Sehun shifted in his seat, glaring at Chanyeol. “And don’t try to group me with you, I’m not a _pedophile_.”

“Pedophile?!” Chanyeol fumed, getting up from the couch with balled fists.

“Children, children!” Baekhyun intervened before things managed to escalate with a shout. Seeing Sehun visibly offended by this whole banter & Chanyeol beginning to fume, he decided to end it. “This girl is _clearly_ popular among you but you all need to set this petty shit aside.” He waited for Chanyeol to sit back down before continuing. “Those guys that fucked up Sehun were from the other town. I already had a talk with the fat old man who sent them & that shit’s cleared. But to be sure I sent the others. And Kyungsoo went too.” A smile appeared on Baekhyun’s face again, as he crossed his arms. “So there’s not much today for you fuckers to do other than making sure everything’s in check for tomorrow.”

“Sounds good to me.” Chanyeol shrugged, to which Yixing also agreed with a nod.

Sehun didn’t react to Baekhyun’s words. Instead, he leaned back onto the chair silently waiting for the man to leave so he could as well. Tapping shoes onto the wood underneath him, he counted the seconds. It was clear as day he didn’t want to be there.

Taking out small, clear bag from his shirt’s pocket, Baekhyun took several steps back. He noticed how Sehun didn’t seem to care, & thought that this would definitely gain his attention. “Sehun, catch!” Baekhyun yelled abruptly, throwing the small bag. They all saw how he easily managed to catch it, & the started the others grumble. He turned away from the two, & stared at Sehun. “Anything you want to say?”

He only half-smiled, knowing Baekhyun wanted him to say a meaningless ‘thanks’. With downcast eyes, Sehun opened the bag & stuck his index finger in the white powder. “Hopefully God is still down to forgive us.” He silently replied before tasting the bitterness in his mouth. The man internally groaned at the purity of the drug, already curling under his skin. He muttered a ‘fuck’ under his breath as he stood up in a hurry. Sitting criss-crossed right before the coffee table, Sehun set the reclosable bag beside the spoon. He rolled up his sleeves with haste, his body painfully aching for the heroin in his system.

“Anything else?” Baekhyun nonchalantly asked in between Sehun’s inner frenzy.

“I’ve got a dozen insecurities, but I don’t think you should be worried for me.” Sehun breathed out as he picked up the needle Jongin had used earlier.

୨✩୧

“...So,....do...do you forgive me?” Hyeseong scooted closer to Cerise, whispering, “I’ll never say those horrible things again. I promise!”

Cerise gulped her saliva, seeing the genuine regret on her friend’s face. They haven’t talked since that day. And now, the two were sitting on Hyeseong’s bed in her lilac-colored bedroom. The girl invited Cerise over to make amends, & apologize for the way she acted last time. In truth, she didn’t know what got into her & was in regret, unable to keep on pushing it to the side.

“Yeah. You’re my best friend after all.” Cerise answered, earning a tight squeeze from her best friend. The hug brought a smile to her face, & she hugged Hyeseong back, being greeted a warm feeling.

“Great!” Hyeseong broke the embrace, jumping off the bed. Spinning in place, she playfully chirped, “Let’s chose dresses for tomorrow!”

Cerise’s smile turned into a fine line, confused. “Dresses? Tomorrow?”

“You’re coming to the party with me & Chanyeol tomorrow.” Hyeseong grinned wide.

“Wh—what?!” Cerise shook her head aggressively on the bed, “I can’t! I would...be too busy! _Very_ busy!”

“Busy? What could _you_ be doing on a Friday summer night?” Hyeseong paused “And I won’t accept any answers that don’t involve making out.”

Cerise hesitated, staring at the dead-set friend of her’s. Loud places weren’t exactly her favorite, they always made her feel out of place & uncomfortable. She was completely used to spending her undisturbed nights at home reading cheesy romance novels or looking outside her window trying to convince herself she’s seen a UFO in the sky.

“C’mon Cerise. Please,” Hyeseong pouted in place, “You’ll be safe & I _promise_ to not let anyone you don’t like near you.” She winked, “I also know that Sooyoung woman will be there. If you show her how friendlier you can be, she might give you a raise. Doesn’t that sound grand?”

Hearing the name of Sooyoung coming out of Hyeseong’s mouth certainly caught the attention of Cerise. Her ears perked up, & her attention was undivided. She thought about it for a moment, thinking about her neighbor. _Just this once, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt. If Sooyoung is there, it would totally be worth it._ “Hmm.....Alright. I give in. But just this _once_ Hyeseong, since you promised & all...—”

Hyeseong ran to the closet & hurried Cerise beside her, choosing a dark dress that would fit her best friend in all ways possible. In between smiles & head shakes, the two shared laughter picking out a dress to wear.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 170724 Sehun makes an appearance here ˘͈ᵕ˘͈ the outfit is simple but it’s everything!


	10. Oop

Aaaahhh sorry I haven’t updated in months;; Will be updating soon, maybe in the next week or two! The chapter I’m working on is kinda long (have to edit some scenes out hm) & I take pauses so it’s a bit of a task to finish :p


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